Ira and Louis discuss Meta’s new social media app Threads, their week in Fire Island, the Wonka trailer, Britney’s new memoir title, Keke Palmer’s baby daddy drama, and Jonah Hill’s texts. Plus, their Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning review.

 

TRANSCRIPT

 

Ira Madison III And we’re back for an all new episode of Keep It. I’m Ira Madison, the third.

 

Louis Virtel I’m Louis Virtel and I’m realizing that L.A. must deaden my immune system because, like Ira, I am just back from Fire Island after a week where I came down with some tropical fucking malady the entire time. And now I’m back here and feel normal. So I guess I can only live here.

 

Ira Madison III It’s a very congested island.

 

Louis Virtel Yes. No, it truly like if there’s one thing that unites that, besides everybody wearing the same pair of athletic shorts everywhere they go, it is sinus infections.

 

Ira Madison III You know what it is a I’ve been out there four times this year already.

 

Louis Virtel That’s too many.

 

Ira Madison III How many times have you been to Palm Springs this year, bitch?

 

Louis Virtel Girl, are you fucking Columbus? Stop going to that island.

 

Ira Madison III It’s the island brings out comfort in a way that I feel like doesn’t exist, where you’re just, like, hanging out in the city. I do go everywhere in the same athletic shorts, either like tea in these. Like you’ll go stop by a friend’s place in these. It’s also a very it’s very drop in island. You know it’s sort of like like when you watch a sitcom and people just drop by people’s houses, people just do that.

 

Louis Virtel No, people just show up at your door and ring the doorbell and they’re not, you know, missionaries or whatever. They’re just there to hang out. You have to be welcoming because that’s the spirit of the island and your gay ancestors are leering over you, hoping you fulfill their legacies or whatever. I have never been so reminded that. No, trust me, I want to be haunted by gay ghosts. In fact, I passed. I passed some house out of the way and the way the beach one time and there was a flag up above one of the houses and the flag had on it, if I’m not mistaken, Judy Garland, Carmen Miranda and Marlena Dietrich.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, and Oh the black and white one?

 

Louis Virtel Correct. Now that is amazing, but it also could mean that the people in that house have been dead since the seventies. So I don’t know what’s going on there. I wanted to investigate, obviously.

 

Ira Madison III I think Betty was on one of the flags.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, imagine if she wasn’t.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, the men of Vogue were not on it, though.

 

Louis Virtel Absolutely. Who wants to see Joe DiMaggio? I’m sorry.

 

Ira Madison III Gene Kelly. Fred Astaire.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, Fred Astaire. Not a looker. I’m sorry, Gene Kelly. That I can. That I can roll with.

 

Ira Madison III Mm hmm. All right. I actually would say that I am I am at my nicest on that island.

 

Louis Virtel You think so?

 

Ira Madison III Yeah.

 

Louis Virtel I mean, truly, it’s it’s a place where time does not precede the moment you are in. Basically, you’re like you all your conversations are about what are you guys going to do tonight? What did you do last night? What’s happening tomorrow night? Like, you don’t have any understanding of, say, news, or at least among gay men. Like there was no conversations beyond Barbie and Oppenheimer regarding popular culture. I don’t remember anybody talking about whatever TV shows were airing at that time or even Drag Race, really, which is crazy.

 

Ira Madison III I don’t know who you were hanging out with.

 

Louis Virtel Okay.

 

Ira Madison III Okay. We were talking about hot breaking news like Kyle Richards and Mauricio Umansky divorcing.

 

Louis Virtel After 27 years. Wow.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah.

 

Louis Virtel And when you put putting that into my language, that’s like if, you know, Ed Harris and Amy Madigan broke up and I would not leave the house.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, sometimes because, like, when you’re on the island, you’re with your friends that you’re in the house with, but you’re also just around like different groups of people. And so you’re not used to like the your regular housewife person or your regular, like whatever a certain pop culture friend you have. Like you’re used to talking to them about something. So it was surprising, like I saw the news come in on Instagram and then I also saw like other random people at the party, I was at getting this news and their eyes lighting up at the news and I was like, Oh, these are the Housewives people here.

 

Louis Virtel Right. I want to say somebody said to me during this breaking news, they’re like, Oh, did you hear the news? And they they said breaking news in a tragic way. And at that point, I was still reeling from Madonna being in whatever state she was in. So I assumed that was the topic. I was like, Don’t play with me right now. I’m about to stand on top of this island and scream. And that also, by the way, the amount of fucking gay men who were like, Oh yeah, I guess she had like a little episode last week or whatever. Bitch, can this be top of mind for you? Are you not fucking gay? What the fuck?

 

Ira Madison III I’m telling you, the island, it’s. It’s. That’s island life. It’s Janet Jackson Damita Jo island life. It is. When I tell you, I ran into someone who was like, Who’s? He’s fine.

 

Louis Virtel Well, he sounds great.

 

Ira Madison III He’s. I saw him on the boardwalk. And I will also say that sometimes I walk along the ocean if I’m going to come into town, as he would say, like to, you know, the pavilion or like the pantry or the guy or whatever, because there’s less foot traffic on the ocean side.

 

Louis Virtel Correct.

 

Ira Madison III And sometimes I don’t feel like say hi to everybody that I walk past.

 

Louis Virtel No. And I try to do that, by the way. And it’s awkward because some people are like, Oh, look out, leper. I know you have Lyme disease like these deer do.

 

Ira Madison III But so what stopped me and I gave them like, a like a nice greeting, you know, like they were an old friend I hadn’t seen in forever. And they were like, Ah, you’ve never greeted me like that in New York. And I’m like, Well, let me tell you something, bitch. If I see you at a party in the evening in New York, do you know how many journeys I’ve gone through in a single day in New York City before I run into you at like 9 p.m.? Meanwhile, what the fuck have I done all day when I see you on the island?

 

Louis Virtel No, we’re mostly interacting with a breeze.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, Yeah. So? So this is the best version of me.

 

Louis Virtel Live in that luxury with me. Yeah. Don’t question. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

 

Ira Madison III I when I did see you for the first time. You said I was the first person to make a lady vanishes joke?

 

Louis Virtel Yes.

 

Ira Madison III About your luggage, which is gone. Still.

 

Louis Virtel Guys, let me tell you something. I have never lost my luggage before. I’ve been very lucky at airplanes, etc.. This particular occasion, I was switching trains because I got on the wrong Long Island Railroad train to Montauk wherever I was supposed to go. And I just was like, Oh, I have to switch trains and left it in the luggage carriage and on top of the train, you know, where you can like put it over the seats. It has not been seen since. And I keep making them at Penn Station, and I’ve never asked anybody to do anything for me before. As you know, I am a lowly Midwesterner. I am I am I am humbled in this life. What I need you guys to do is to keep harassing them. But the Penn Station lost and found because, baby, there are so many pairs of amazing pants and luggage. And if I don’t get them back, I will scream.

 

Ira Madison III What kind of luggage is it? Right. How do we find this? How do we how do we launch an investigation?

 

Louis Virtel Ira, thank you so much. It is a gray, large Ramova bag, which, by the way, I like, sprang for, like the good luggage. All good luggage gets fucking scuffed. I don’t know why there is an obsession with getting good luggage. It looks gross now.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. Let me tell you something about Away they haven’t paid for outfits weeks. I don’t give a fuck. I got their aluminum like. Like the really nice aluminum ones and Away has a policy where, like, they’ll replace broken luggage.

 

Louis Virtel No Away has it has it together.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, but when he read the fine print about the aluminum ones.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, here we go.

 

Ira Madison III Bangs and scuffs on that do not count. So because it’s aluminum, like there’s a part where, like, if something gets banged or, like, jettisoned out in your suitcase, there’s just, like, this big, like dent in it that you were fighting The Incredible Hulk. They will not replace that.

 

Louis Virtel Weird. Oh, so they’re very conditional. And there’s like, there’s somebody on site assessing whether or not it’s like car insurance or something.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. And I travel a lot, so, like, my luggage looks like shit.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah. No, my luggage has never looked good even after using it one time. So anyway, there’s just lots of shorts. I would prefer to get back. I started dating a really nice guy on the island and he must be fucking rad because he promised to pick me up if they find it. Wolfe get you a man who can.

 

Ira Madison III I? Y’all, Louis had an island boyfriend. He was with them. He was with them every time I saw you.

 

Louis Virtel I. Let me tell you guys something. I am not this whimsical. I don’t know what came over me as as Ira has stated. Something changes on the island.

 

Ira Madison III You were Jennifer Aniston. You just went with it.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, I’m a little bit Jennifer Aniston in The Good Girl. And that I can be seen looking forlorn in a place of retail. But that’s it.

 

Ira Madison III Hmm. You kept me on the island. I’m Jennifer Aniston, and We’re the Millers. You’re liable to see me strippingt on a pole.

 

Louis Virtel She does that in that movie?

 

Ira Madison III Yeah.

 

Louis Virtel I don’t think I’ve seen it.

 

Ira Madison III It’s a very good movie. I have constantly a missionary for this movie. Okay. Like, I am knocking on doors. Oh, well, I’m telling people to watch. We’re the Millers. You know.

 

Louis Virtel I often think about with Jennifer Aniston, how she claims she auditioned for Saturday Night Live and then chose friends instead. And I think that would have been an equally viable path for her. I mean, she would have been a great Saturday Night Live cast member.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. I mean, she probably would have been on for like two seasons.

 

Louis Virtel Before launching into something else.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. Yeah. But I see that for her.

 

Louis Virtel Who would have been on fucking friends that. Who was that who was lingering at that time? Penelope Ann Miller I don’t have an answer. Rosie Perez on Friends.

 

Ira Madison III Yes, because Sidewalk was already on, right?

 

Louis Virtel Yeah. Oh, JLD, you’re thinking?

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. Who? By the way, I know we constantly talk about her being an icon, but like, she really is an icon. I was, um. I love fire, and I went to Denver this weekend to see Fall Out. Boy.

 

Louis Virtel That does sound like you.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. What they you’d expect me to be doing. And my hotel had a projection screen, sort of a.

 

Louis Virtel Get the fuck out.

 

Ira Madison III The Catbird in Denver. It’s a beautiful hotel. All right. And I was watching. I just putting on Seinfeld episodes and in my rewatch, like before bed for over several months, like I’d finally gotten to season seven, and that is some of her best work.

 

Louis Virtel I have to say, when I watch Seinfeld, what I’m struck by is even just the way she enters a room and like, let’s aa1 liner kind of fall out of her mouth, like how immediately you are acquainted with who that character is. Not that the other people on that show are bad, but there’s something about her where you immediately, if she’s so believable in a show where everybody has like a different pile of neurosis, you know, I just find her to be like a true character.

 

Ira Madison III And Jerry can’t really act, but he’s funny and Michael Richards is doing Michael Richards. I would say that she and Jason Alexander are the best at being in their character in every scene, because one thing that they that one thing that George and Lane are constantly doing is they’re always reacting to whatever is happening in the scene. Like George is saying something stupid, and then you’ve got Julia Louis-Dreyfus, like, reacting with her eyes. Yes, right. And he’s like annoyed when someone is doing something annoying. Like they both are just constantly living in the moment. Honestly, I would love to. I remember like post- Sein. Remember post-Seinfeld when like, all of them had a show.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, right. Oh, I remember watching Ali. I was there.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, watching Ali was great.

 

Louis Virtel Yes.

 

Ira Madison III Bad, but great. And then Jason Alexander had a show. I think he was like, was he like a detective?

 

Louis Virtel He had he had a show. It was a title character, Bob. Something. I can’t believe I can’t think of it.

 

Ira Madison III But the Michael Richards show was, I think maybe the Detective one. But yeah, that was his whole racist era, too.

 

Louis Virtel Right.

 

Ira Madison III But which in retrospect is so funny to me. It’s just him screaming the N-word at a comedy show. Is so. And so, like, it’s so Morgan Wallen.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah. Wow. My God. Have I been bombarded with that name this weekend since Olivia Rodrigo toppled him on the top 100 after that song Last Night, Which, again, if you have a pontoon boat, I think in order to turn the pontoon boat on, you have to play Last Night was number one for 13 weeks and now she’s at number one with vampire because she is still mad at that guy.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. Or Taylor Swift, if you believe the rumors.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, I see.

 

Ira Madison III But all those shows that they created after, like, signs out, like trying to make them stars, and then they all became their own, like, stars in their own right. And even though, Julia is really the only one who’s had like shows that I would say are like, successful, iconic pose.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah. Julia is the only one who’s going to be getting a Kennedy Center honorees thing.

 

Ira Madison III But I would love to see her and Jason back on the screen together.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, absolutely. By the way, I just want to say that I absolutely know what you’re talking about. It’s such a pleasure on Seinfeld to just watch her, like, reacting to dialog in a scene with like a kind of snide look on her face or skepticism or whatever. She’s constantly registering something. I want to watch her old SNL episodes again, too, just to see what she was trying out in the mid-eighties with her husband, Brad Hall.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah.

 

Louis Virtel I also want to say that I unfortunately will not be on Keep It next week. I have to go to Saint Louis because my beloved grandmother passed away. It was kind of a long time coming, but she was a rad as fuck. My mom is the second of 13 kids. I have 37 or so cousins on that side. Countless great grandkids are on that side. They’re all fucking named Emma. I can’t keep them straight, but I will be there. Ira will be finding a co-host. I’m sure he could do some talking without me. It’s been done before. But I was thinking about hanging out of my grandma’s house growing up, because obviously when there are that many adults in a house, the grandkids all fend for themselves and like, hang out by themselves and watch TV or whatever. And I just can’t believe I would always go down to the basement of her place in Saint Louis. Go through the VHS, always, always put on The Sandlot. How could I have been that excited to seeTthe Sandlot so many times? I’m telling you, this was a six year window. How did it last this long? Did you grow up on this movie at all?

 

Ira Madison III I didn’t watch The Sandlot that much, but there are movies that I remember, like we specifically put on a lot. Like, you remember, like that soccer movie, The Big Dream.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, I mean, but some of the same people. Yeah. The great Hambino from The Sandlot is in that, and so is Olivia D’abo from the Wonder Years.

 

Ira Madison III I’ve seen that movie too many times to count.

 

Louis Virtel Also, that movie fucking sucks.

 

Ira Madison III It’s a bad movie.

 

Louis Virtel There’s also Bug Hall from the Little Rascals movies. Another movie I would see constantly at my grandma’s house.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah.

 

Louis Virtel Where are they now? Bring me the little Rascals. I want to know where they are.

 

Ira Madison III Are divorced, beheaded tribe.

 

Louis Virtel Anne of Cleves. My favorite little rascal.

 

Ira Madison III It’s so weird. The symmetry of the universe. But my great grandmother’s memorial service was last week. She was just shy of 91.

 

Louis Virtel I’ll just say my grandma was 93.

 

Ira Madison III Oh, okay. Well, you know. My family was having these kids young in the South.

 

Louis Virtel Okay, But so was my grandma’s Irish Catholic if you couldn’t figure out. St Louis in the 1950s, the what they would do is they would get up in the morning, make breakfast, and then make another kid.

 

Ira Madison III Uh, but no, It was like I was thinking about, you know, spinning time in Elkhart, Indiana. And that’s where I first was really watching like Young and the Restless. Every time I was there. My great grandmother loved it, and my great grandfather watched it, too. Really like all the adults would gather in the living room to watch The Young and the Restless when it was on Whenever we are in Elkhart, because I was usually at Elkhart over like, you know, something like holiday or something.

 

Louis Virtel When enough adults are gathered in a room to experience Nadia’s theme with a gay child in the room, what are you supposed to do, grow up and be a heterosexual? I mean, just absolutely not. I think sometimes about growing up, my dad, he my dad had pretty good taste in comedy, specifically growing up. He was a big TV watcher, and every TV show he watched had a female protagonist. I can’t think like he was barely even into Seinfeld. It was always something like Cheers or 30 Rock or whatever, so I’m sort of thankful for him.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, I feel like my great grandfather was sort of the same. I mean, listen, he was a Marlboro chain smoking, Budweiser drinker.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, just like you.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. I mean.

 

Louis Virtel You’re a real Humphrey Bogart type.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, I’m more Parliaments and martinis.

 

Louis Virtel Yes. Right.

 

Ira Madison III You know, I’m a bit more metropolitan, but. Same. I mean, he would sit there and watch The Young and the Restless, but also historically. Never told anyone of my family that he loved them. It was always. It was always the turn.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, my God.

 

Ira Madison III But it was. It was like drop by, John. You know, like a man of that age. Right. You know, like, it was always a different euphemism for I love you rather than ever actually saying it. I remember, like my grandmother would mentioned that, like, in his memorial, which was, um. Court over a decade ago at this point, I mean, honestly, like it’s you know, we the family was pretty happy with my great grandmother passing, you know, because she’d been you know, she hadn’t been remembering things for quite some time for maybe almost ten years, you know. And so now, you know, it’s a she’s laid to rest and it’s it’s it’s a peaceful moment.

 

Louis Virtel So I was going to say, I’m excited to see my hundreds of relatives. It’ll be a full 101 Dalmatians situation. And I’m the what Dalmatian would I be, you know, snarky off in the corner.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah I don’t like seeing my extended family. They always want money.

 

Louis Virtel Well, that’s too bad.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. Anyway, we’ve got a great show for you this week.

 

Louis Virtel That’s true.

 

Ira Madison III Speaking of Julia Louis-Dreyfus at SNL, I’ve just realized now in this moment that, like I always send us to the rest of the episode, like, we just did an SNL monologue.

 

Louis Virtel Right? Yeah, we’ve got. Anyway, we got a great show for you today.

 

Ira Madison III We’ve got a great show for you this week. No one is here.

 

Louis Virtel Them crooked vultures are here. Sorry. No.

 

Ira Madison III No one is here. We have no guest this week, which means you’re going to get a longer.

 

Louis Virtel Or this.

 

Ira Madison III You’re going to get a longer Keep It segment. Since I know y’all were mad last week. I’m sorry we were on vacation.

 

Louis Virtel You’re right. We played with the form, and it. It didn’t pan out. You guys were upset?

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, because the girls were mad. But we’re also going to review Mission Impossible, Dead Reckoning part one. And, everyone is using ?Threads. So we’re going to talk about Threads and the maybe death of Twitter and a lot more because you know us. So we’ll be right back. So we made like Tom Cruise and ran full speed ahead to the theaters to check out. Mission Impossible, Dead Reckoning, Part one or MI7. You know, if you don’t want to say all those words And then we drove a motorcycle off a 4000 foot cliff to get to this episode and record it.

 

Louis Virtel Which seems like too much if you know us. I shouldn’t be put in charge of a Radio Flyer wagon, let alone that.

 

Ira Madison III Oh, I believe it or not. I love this movie.

 

Louis Virtel I enjoy that. You know, it’s like you just have to not question it. Every choice in this movie is cartoonery to the enth. I would say these movies are Cirque du Soleil for dads. It is about sitting in a theater looking up, saying, wow, seven times. You know, there’s like some banter connecting the scenes. There’s some Threads. There’s like a little bit, you know, But mostly it’s about these giant set pieces and these henchman type people like circling each other, circling Tom Cruise and mixing it up and making it seem like it’s a completely rational universe. Tom Cruise I would not say his performance has evolved much, but he is still, you know, toppling landmarks and making it seem like that’s just an everyday part of his job, which is the entire assignment.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, I mean, listen, we all know that I love Tom Cruise on this show, but I really did enjoy him. And I mean, like, listen, he doesn’t have to. He doesn’t have to evolve much. You know, he’s playing Ethan Hunt sort of in a you know, he’s exasperated sometimes. You know, sometimes he’s cocky. I do like his evolution, you know, of like Family Man in the series. You know, like he he cares about his friends deeply, But it really is just nice seeing him on screen, you know, And it’s different from. You know, when he does need to flex his acting muscles, which he hasn’t had to do in a while, maybe the last time was really American made, you know, because this and, you know, sort of Top Gun Maverick are sort of similar. But he’s just fun to watch on screen. You know, it’s fun to watch a movie star on screen, you know, in a film.

 

Louis Virtel Now, that was my feeling about No Hard Feelings. I was like, here’s somebody, Jennifer Lawrence, just dominating every scene with a knowing charisma. And we’re like, sort of in the palm of her hand. Yeah. Also, just the casting really is a triumph in these movies. I think Vanessa Kirby is worth the price of admission, alone.

 

Ira Madison III Vanessa Kirby is so kooky, in this film.

 

Louis Virtel Yes. Here’s the thing. So Vanessa Kirby is like this femme fatale character. She’s in Fallout, of course. Mm hmm. And I’m I struggle to articulate why she is better than most people who would be playing that role. First of all, she strikes the very normal silhouette of a femme fatale that, like, looks familiar. But there is something about her. The look in her eyes that, like, it’s between diabolical and Daffy, and that has so much more character than other people who would play this role. And also, this woman is just like a new legend. Thinking about what she brought in The Crown, what she brought, and that, you know, The Up and Down Movie Pieces of a Woman that started out amazing. At any rate, also Ellen Burstyn, as her mom in that movie, it makes no sense. Ellen Burstyn is 10,000 years older than Vanessa Kirby. Moving on. But in this, you really get you just don’t know at any given moment what side of the character you’re about to get. And she is so, so enticing. Hayley Atwell does a really good job, too.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah.

 

Louis Virtel But but Vanessa Kirby.

 

Ira Madison III Vanessa is a legend.

 

Louis Virtel Did you also see her in A Streetcar Named Desire? I saw her with Gillian Anderson.

 

Ira Madison III I did not.

 

Louis Virtel Unfortunately, she killed Estella Kowalski to this this woman just like aces all along the board.

 

Ira Madison III I think that, you know, that’s a really spoil the movie, and it’s hard to sort of spoil this movie anyway. But it, you know, one of the Mission Impossible standards that is in this film is, you know, the masks where people are pretending to be each other. Oh, God. And at one point, someone has to pretend to be Vanessa Kirby’s character. And you get to see Vanessa Kirby playing her own character completely different because she’s now playing someone else pretending to be her.

 

Louis Virtel Right. It’s a it’s a Tatiana Maslany type assignment.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. That’s exactly who I would like compare her to. Yeah, actually, like, they’re both sort of, like, very loose, but also intense.

 

Louis Virtel Right. They just have that. There’s no other way to put it. Mutant quality.

 

Ira Madison III Like. Yeah, you.

 

Louis Virtel Know, you know, like. Andrea Riseborough A couple. It’s like, what the fuck is going on at any given moment inside your head? I don’t understand how this is all organized, let alone so seemingly in control at all times too.

 

Ira Madison III Now, do you think Vanessa Kirby would have won if she was in To Leslie?

 

Louis Virtel Oh, my God. That’s a crazy thing to say. Well, you know, I think, To, Leslie, ultimately is too small a movie, especially compared to everything everywhere, all at once. And tar. And by the way, I flew into L.A. the other day, and the person next to me was watching Tar. And then as they put it on, I said, Good, you’re watching Tar. Like, I constructed that to keep watching it. They’re like, it was they’re like it was kind of slow to start. But eventually I was really glad I watched it. I was like, Yeah, you are. Anyway, I just become I’ve become super militant about Tar.

 

Ira Madison III First of all, I would have been afraid to turn it off.

 

Louis Virtel Right.

 

Ira Madison III If I didn’t like it because you because you had said.

 

Louis Virtel No, suddenly I would have got on the plane by pointing it. Yeah. No. And by the way, a pleasure to watch. Even out of the side of my eye as I watched what I watched, which, by the way, was the original Ocean’s 11. Speaking of not the Frank Sinatra Ocean’s 11, the Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Ocean’s 11, which.

 

Ira Madison III Because the Frank Sinatra is boring as hell.

 

Louis Virtel It’s so boring. God bless Angie Dickinson, but it’s so boring. The Brad Pitt one, speaking of action movies, it really was enjoyable. Steven Soderbergh is a really good director, but I was surprised at how low octane it was. And in, you know, like there’s no huge there’s really not a set piece in it. You know, it’s really about these like kind of fun character interactions. And I would say the best performance in it is get ready for it. Julia.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, I mean listen, they they knew she was the best. They’re like, you know, Ocean’s 12. They create that wacky set piece for her, which I would Ocean’s 12 Apologist I’m just going to put that out there. I find it funny.

 

Louis Virtel I would say it’s also kind of like the Addams Family Values of that, whereas they geared it towards how good Julia was like Addams Family Values was geared towards how great Christina Ricci was. You know, they like shifted it a little bit.

 

Ira Madison III But it is interesting that you mentioned how like low octane like that one was, because I feel like if you’re watching sort of the evolution of action movies and where we are now, the best action movies sort of do that Mission Impossible thing where it is you’re gathering a bunch of really interesting set pieces. And then you find a way to sort of puzzle piece them together.

 

Louis Virtel Right. Yeah.

 

Ira Madison III And it’s it’s less. I know I was reading like, old reviews of Die Hard for some reason. Oh, yeah. And it was just interesting, you know, like Ebert complimenting that movie, you know, because, like, it’s really interesting because of the character choices, you know? And like, there was a really my people were excited by the scene, you know, where like, he sort of just shoots the glass, you know? Yeah. And in the film, it’s like, oh, an unexpected thing like that. But now sort of like now we expect like insane set pieces. And it’s sort of just interesting, like the evolution of how you construct an action movie. I mean, the fast movies are like that too, right? They’re just like set piece after set piece. And like, some of the characters are fun and interesting. I would say what Mission Impossible has over other franchises in action movies is that, you know, like the characters at the center of Mission Impossible are all still really fun to watch. And interesting.

 

Louis Virtel Yes.

 

Ira Madison III Like Ving Rhames is amazing in this film.

 

Louis Virtel I think Ving Rhames is markedly improved from the last movie, too. I don’t know what it is about his performance in this movie. It’s not like he gets, quote unquote, more to do, but it’s still a lot of exposition. But he is just nailing it like you’re really glued to his character. There’s like a a lived in gravitas to that character. I also just want to say the thing you’re talking about, the moving from set piece to set piece action movie set up that can seem sort of callous and like there’s not a lot of soul in it, but there are old action movies that are like this too. And I want to point out Marathon Man, if you’ve not seen that, which is Dustin Hoffman up against a bunch of people, but Laurence Olivier is the main villain in that movie. And that really boils down to a couple of interesting set pieces that culminates in this. I’m going to call it a giant sister or septic system or something. But like, yeah, it’s it’s gritty in a seventies way.

 

Ira Madison III Running Logan’s Run and the French Connection, too.

 

Louis Virtel Logan’s Run. Great, great, great example. I do want to say about this movie, though, about this Mission Impossible. They really are having a hard time not repeating themselves with some of these things, though. For instance, the plummeting scene in Fallout, I would say still beats and has more suspense than what we get from the mid-air sequence in this movie, which based on the trailer you know, you’re getting.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. I will also say that, like the trailer tells you, like the plummeting train and the jump on the motorcycle. The best sequence in this film is the OB car race through Venice.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, yes. And also again, Venice. We’ve seen that before in Casino Royale. So it’s like you have to be aware. And actually that particular sequence reminded me also of the man from Uncle. Did you see that?

 

Ira Madison III Yes. I mean, you know, I love that film.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah. I will say this about the man from Uncle, looks amazing, good for Guy Ritchie. The acting is atrocious. It’s Henry Cavill, Armie Hammer and Alicia Vikander. To me, I would describe them as clueless looking in this movie. Henry Cavill, by the way. Really good in the last but in Fall Out, though, he.

 

Ira Madison III Was great in Fall out I actually think you know like. I love the casting of this, but I and I but I was sort of missing sort of like a larger than life sort of. Villainous character. You know, the one the ghost in this one is sort of a little ho hum and giving you a little like Bond villain. Yeah, but there’s also.

 

Louis Virtel There’s also a villain in this. The is it POM Klementieff who plays the a very traditional seeming Bond villain who like an odd job type character who dies before the main villain. I didn’t think that turned up many dividends for us either.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, I was missing sort of that like Henry Cavill and you know, even like the Angela Bassett of it all.

 

Louis Virtel Angela Bassett slayed in Fallout Fucking loves. That’s I mean, that’s somebody who can handle a show like 911, like. All right, I can do this urgent, seemingly boring fast dialog, but imbue it with a sense of command and authority and fearsome ness.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. So that is what I was missing just a little bit. But I mean, it’s a fun as hell movie. If you love the Mission Impossible movies, you’re going to fucking love this.

 

Louis Virtel And also, I just want to say this is the kind of thing that would normally bore me, like I’m not a fan of the genre, and they find a way to make it appealing constantly to me. I never wanted to leave the theater, which I’m surprised to say.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, and that’s that’s literally what I was about to say, too, to wrap up. I was like, This movie is maybe one of the longest on the Mission Impossible. It’s like it’s like 3 hours. I didn’t feel it 3 hours times down at all.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah. And I would say I definitely felt that in Top Gun Maverick, which I know people are obsessed with, I would say this is way more entertaining unless I guess the word is pretentious than Top Gun Maverick, because that movie wanted to have like a depth of spirit ultimately and say something about the relationship between Miles Teller and Tom Cruise. And nobody’s saying anything about any fucking relationship here. Here are goons fighting and ending up on a fucking train and the final and the final action sequence on the train. I think they, they kind of rolled into some novelty with how they stage it eventually. It’s, it’s really extreme. It’s, of course, like a CD rom game, but it’s still a pleasure to watch the final sequence.

 

Ira Madison III Now, for our listeners who don’t know what a CD rom is, Louis.

 

Louis Virtel Windows 95. You are either there you weren’t. Number crunchers.

 

Ira Madison III Number crunchers.

 

Louis Virtel Is that the name of the game?

 

Ira Madison III Number Munchers.

 

Louis Virtel Number Munchers. Thank you. Thank. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah.

 

Ira Madison III Ice Spice’s favorite game. That number’s a munch.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, God.

 

Ira Madison III Anyway, when we’re back Threads.

 

<AD>

 

Ira Madison III All right. Have you been keeping up the latest in the Zuckerberg Musk rivalry? And how could you not? It’s the most entertaining fight of the century.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, titillating.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. Two completely interesting characters. I’m joking. Of course. The Social Network. A very good film. I am hard pressed to think of any director or screenwriter who could make Elon Musk’s story watchable.

 

Louis Virtel And it hurts my head to even think about that. Like that someone would be inspired by that idea and then want to realize it on film. I think we should start taking like USC film degrees away from people if that’s the direction we’re heading.

 

Ira Madison III Not what I would watch. Is the film about Azealia Banks trapped in Iran and Grimes is basement.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, please, no. You think I haven’t written that one act.

 

Ira Madison III And also, she needs to play herself.

 

Louis Virtel Yes. Okay. You can’t tell me Azealia can’t act. You can’t tell me that.

 

Ira Madison III I would like to see it. Okay. She definitely be better than like Nikki and the other woman.

 

Louis Virtel Please. No. A star is born. I want to see this version.

 

Ira Madison III Anyway, the fight continues with the launch of Threads, Instagram’s new social media platform, which is basically Twitter.

 

Louis Virtel Yes, except to me it is missing a couple of crucial things. One, I think the thrill of Twitter is you don’t really know where the tweets are going to be coming from at any given moment. You know, like sometimes it’s a news organization. Sometimes it’s a completely random person. Sometimes it’s, you know, a loser, you know, just anything. I’m not getting the wild mishmash. I need Threads, to me, feels a little bit like an anesthetized Facebook feed to me.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. Right now, Threads is basically sort of it’s a feed like you would have on any platform, whether it’s Twitter, Instagram or Facebook, but. The algorithm right now, it’s. It’s giving you. It’s giving you weird things in the algorithm. And I’m pointing this out in the sense that. This right now. You can’t. There’s no feed of only accounts that you’re following.

 

Louis Virtel Yes.

 

Ira Madison III Right, right, right. You’re getting feeds from just like you’re getting like, Threads from everyone. And for some reason, my algorithm thinks I’m really into Jesus. I are getting a lot of people.

 

Louis Virtel Are you learning a lot? I’ve been waiting for this moment.

 

Ira Madison III I’m getting a lot of, like, you know, like rise and Grind or like, Jesus Loves You Threads. And I’m like, Who? Who at Meta thinkis I’m into that shit?

 

Louis Virtel No. Which are the Stations of the Cross, do you think applies to me? I just are not there. Easter’s over.

 

Ira Madison III But there is something weird and sort of compelling about tweeting into this abyss right now. Because at least what you’re tweeting. Sorry, threading into this abyss. Yes. I still keep saying tweeted, even though we’re threading. Into this because I feel like when you’re tweeting, you’re at least like tweet to your followers, right? Yes, Like some they’re always like the people who get shocked when their tweet, like, gets out of their sort of inner circle and then it goes viral and then there’s everyone commenting on it. Right. But that is how these Threads start out, because they’re not to your followers. No one has just a feed of people that they’re following, which means that everything that you write is for the masses.

 

Louis Virtel Creepy.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, it is a little creepy, but you can limit who responds to it, which I’ve been doing, because, like, you know, I tweeted it. We’ll get to this to Keep It secret. Like my thoughts are on Speak Now, Taylor’s version, you know, and it’s having random Swifties respond to me I was like you know this isn’t Twitter. You will not be responding.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, yeah. Well, particularly them.

 

Ira Madison III I changed it to people that I follow. And on Twitter where it sort of encourages like pylons, like you can quote, tweet people to death, you can quote, tweet people on this. But there doesn’t yet exist a search function where you can search for actual Threads by word and you can’t look at a thread and then look at all the quotes of it. So actually, like the instinct to sort of like try and pile on a tweet, like, especially if you’re a Stan or something, right. It it goes away because you can’t see those other comments from like minded people. So it’s sort of like if someone, quote, tweets you. Who gives a fuck? No one’s going to see it.

 

Louis Virtel Right. When I look at Threads, I don’t really know what I’m looking at. It’s just like a random collection of stuff. And it doesn’t feel like a headquarters in any way. I get that. I might be. I might be seeing some amusing Threads or, you know. Oh, you posted a picture of that thing that I’m interested in, but it’s not like Twitter where I know where everything is. I mean, I’m sure these steps will come along the way. But also, can I just say, when you sign up for Threads, you have the option to just immediately follow everybody on your Instagram feed. And so let me tell you something I did. I just went for it. Worst mistake of my year. And as you know, I just lost $3,000 worth of luggage. I am not super into watching Instagram acquaintances misunderstand the news.

 

Ira Madison III No.

 

Louis Virtel I don’t know what I was thinking and I’m stuck there now. And as you know, if you want to delete your Threads, you have to delete your Instagram account altogether. So I am living in a state of purgatory.

 

Ira Madison III The other thing is seeing people try to figure out what the platform is using, you know, their own personal it’s it’s like a it’s like an a creating a superhero team, you know? Yeah. Like some people are coming in with their specific skills, like, how do we all work together to defeat Thanos? You know, you got the Instagram gays coming in. They’re like, Well, I could just still post like thirst traps of me being hot, right? I’m like, That was nice for like a day. Then I got tired of it and I was like, I can see this on Instagram. Leave me alone.

 

Louis Virtel Right. We definitely do not need to recreate Instagram.

 

Ira Madison III I do not need to be bombarded with this like photo of, like the Speedo photo of you on every single platform that I follow you on. Go away.

 

Louis Virtel Right. Which, by the way, I just want to say also, I know that like half of the gay universe has like Twitter alts or uses Twitter for point. I find that so exhausting. I can’t believe how much like actual sex people ingest everyday. I’m not saying I’m not seeing it. Whatever are like follow pornstar friends on twitter whatever my like we can’t we can’t be replicating that either and I don’t think we will on Instagram but yeah.

 

Ira Madison III Come on Carrie Bradshaw.

 

Louis Virtel I know I’m giving you Phyllis Schlafly today. Yeah. Sex is bad. Don’t have it.

 

Ira Madison III Actually like one of my friends who shall go unnamed but like was recently started like an all and they were, you know tweet that in their close friends of who wants the art to follow it. I was like one. All the people who are going to follow you on this all like you fucked already. So what is the point here? Also, I don’t get the alt mostly because, like, you’re not even monetizing it.

 

Louis Virtel No. Right. It’s just, you know, like I’m feeling myself. And once every five days or whatever, I’m going to show you that I’m aroused.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. I’m like, Okay, great. You know, I don’t get out of bed for less than 10,000.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, right. Linda Evangelista really was being instructive in that moment. We need to follow her example.

 

Ira Madison III Meanwhile, gays are taking pictures of their hole and not even making $10 a day.

 

Louis Virtel So this is like the opposite of an infomercial. You can show your whole and make less than $5 a day.

 

Ira Madison III That’s when you know, you got you got the Instagram gays trying to make it happen. You’ve got people using threats just like it’s Twitter.

 

Louis Virtel That’s kind of what I’m attempting to do. I’m just like throwing down my stupid one liners and I don’t think anybody cares.

 

Ira Madison III But yeah, but then there’s the brands.

 

Louis Virtel Have they invaded? I haven’t seen much of that yet.

 

Ira Madison III Okay, Well, so like on the first two days, really, the brands were going overboard because obviously, you know, like and I’m not blaming the social media managers before someone comes to their defense in the comments.

 

Louis Virtel But get a life. Jesus. Yeah.

 

Ira Madison III But. Obviously there’s like a higher up, like a boss telling these people like, you know, like, just like, make a presence, you know? Right. I’m glad it stopped a bit. Or maybe I’m just not seeing it as much because I feel like what was happening is with all of the brands attacking, you know, it was giving Mars attacks with brands just constantly. I was blocking some of them. I don’t feel like a lot of people were too, because like, it got annoying. And so, like, if you’re going so hard in the first couple of days, people are going to block you. Why not just wait and see, like what Threads is like and how you can actually like, engage with people, you know.

 

Louis Virtel Especially since it’s Instagram and you shouldn’t be seeing primarily brands, you know what I mean? Like, that would change my experience entirely. I mean, like, I understand like Instagram, like in stories will advertise certain things to you, but if I’m looking through a feed of my friends and getting a ton of brands, like that’s an immediately alienating experience.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, it it’s nice to have my checkmark back, though.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, you got it back.

 

Ira Madison III Well, on Instagram, I’ve always had it.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, I see. Yes, me.

 

Ira Madison III Too. Right. So, you know, it’s nice to have it on Threads, even though. Can’t you buy Instagram checks?

 

Louis Virtel I bet you’re like.

 

Ira Madison III It’s not as prevalent as people buying them on Twitter that where if you see someone in a blue checkmark like run the other way.

 

Louis Virtel Right. Also, I will say I’ve never thought I cared about having a check mark ever, but if I’m like exchanging information with somebody, I meet casually and, you know, I’m like reading my name, it’s Ello U.S. and I immediately stop and wait for it to come up and see if I’m in the top five that show up. Usually Louis Vuitton is ahead of me, but when it’s not and I’m at the top with my checkmark. I’m sorry. What’s the label? I’m sorry. So chic.

 

Ira Madison III You know, it was never about me. That glass bitch. It’s always the third is always the first one when they type in my name on Instagram.

 

Louis Virtel Not Ira Gershwin. Stay on account. That’s not number one? Love a lyricist. Porgy and Bess. I have to speak somehow. Yes.

 

Ira Madison III Anyway, Threads is here.

 

Louis Virtel It’s a C-minus experience for me right now. I’m not craving. It’s certainly not replacing the urgency with which I go to Twitter. In fact, there’s nothing urgent to me about going to Threads at the moment.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, well, you know what? You sound like the Taliban, Louis, because they just endorsed Twitter.

 

Louis Virtel I get that a lot.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, the Taliban endorsing Twitter is like Scott Baio announcing he’s leaving California. You’re still here?

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, There’s a there’s a relevance issue. We know what your whole thing was. Yeah, moving on.

 

Ira Madison III I’m like, I’m sure they have a podcast that no one listens to as well.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, right. Reusing their old takes. Yeah, we’ve heard it all before.

 

Ira Madison III Taliban now.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah. I’m upset at that. That was good. Don’t love being beaten to a pot. That’s my whole job. Jimmy Kimmel. The way I miss my job. Can someone. Jesus Christ.

 

Ira Madison III Can we end this strike?

 

Louis Virtel Yeah. Jesus Christ. I’m about to hit the picket again softly because I’m tired.

 

Ira Madison III I am so on top of, like, freelance invoices that are, like, lingering or people who haven’t paid me because I’m like, You know what? My bills has been affected.

 

Louis Virtel I pay, and.

 

Ira Madison III I don’t have the income coming in anymore.

 

Louis Virtel No, I’m paying for a ticket to St Louis for my late grandmother. And I’m like, I remember when I used to pay for this with money I earned.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, You’re Betty and Velma.

 

Louis Virtel Meaning?

 

Ira Madison III . Charge it.

 

Louis Virtel What?

 

Ira Madison III You do not remember that clip.

 

Louis Virtel From?

 

Ira Madison III The, The Flintstones?

 

Louis Virtel Oh, I don’t think so. No.

 

Ira Madison III Oh, my God. Wait. That is one of my favorite pop culture references that I feel like no one is remembering anymore. But obviously, because no one watches the French films anymore, I feel like we’re the last generation that watch the ones dance. It’s a scene where, like, they’re they get like their first credit cards. Oh, and you know that, you know, like, like a horn plays. It’s like, did it it it did. And then they both pull out their credit cards and they say charge it and then they go to the mall.

 

Louis Virtel That is amazing. That seems like something that would happen on Rocko’s Modern Life, which looking back is that was secretly about like the woes of capitalism mostly anyway.

 

Ira Madison III And that that scene has been stuck in that scene. It’s been like imprinted on my brain since I watched it as a kid.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, well, you know, I’ve been obsessed with recently. We’ll move on from this. I’m sorry. This is a Louis tangent. The woman who voiced Betty Rumble was this awesome voice talent named Be Better Direct, who was supposed to be Ethel Mertz on I Love Lucy. And she eventually became famous on a show called Petticoat Junction, but then died soon after. But she was basically the female Mel Blanc. And Mel Blanc would go into a booth and say, Oh, there’s my other wife, be better. So look her up. She’s super fabulous.

 

Ira Madison III Let me tell you somethin, petticoat Junction was boring.

 

Louis Virtel Right. Most junctions are.

 

Ira Madison III Hot takes. Hot Takes

 

Louis Virtel You’re going to get canceled by what, CBS in the sixties. Yeah.

 

Ira Madison III But when Nick at Night, TV Land was on and Petticoat Junction was like, Come on, after I Love Lucy, you know, or after like I Dream of Jeannie or something. Like I would change the channel.

 

Louis Virtel No, I mean, or go to bed since, you know, seven. Yeah.

 

Ira Madison III Anyway, if you loved Petticoat Junction, you’re probably dead.

 

Speaker 3 So we won’t be hearing from you when the guy said.

 

Louis Virtel You passed away just now.

 

Ira Madison III When we’re back. Keep It.

 

<AD>.

 

Ira Madison III And we’re back with our favorite segment of the episode, Keep It. I guess it wasn’t our favorite segment last week.

 

Louis Virtel Right. We just ditched it, but it made us fondly remember it. And now we’re excited to be reacquainted.

 

Ira Madison III Someone was like, Isn’t that the name of your damn show?

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, we aren’t confused. We know.

 

Ira Madison III It was like a sitcom episode where the main character is is gone, like because they’re on maternity leave or something. Right. You know, like all those early episodes of. Dynasty after a big cliffhanger after the Moldavian massacre where Joan Collins was like you and I was still negotiating with the producers. And so you didn’t know she was alive or dead?

 

Louis Virtel Oh, yeah. Or when there’s a back door episode of a sitcom where they’re trying to introduce like a spinoff and they see if it’s going to fly. And you only get Schneider from one day at a time and not Bonnie Franklin or Valerie Bertinelli. This episode is still on my mind. I fucking hated that episode. Anyway.

 

Ira Madison III So we’ve got bonus Keep Its for you this week.

 

Louis Virtel Sure.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. Louis, what’s your first one?

 

Louis Virtel Okay, this is a minor one because this has nothing to do with the content of what we’re about to get. My first Keep It is to the title of Britney Spears’s upcoming memoir. I would have loved if she had referenced something from her own discography or for from her own iconography, which is now extends well beyond her musical output. It’s called The Woman in Me, Ma’am. That is a Shania Twain album. Absolutely not. No, you are not that.

 

Ira Madison III Well, now Louis, it is a reference to a Britney song, but it’s a very dumb song.

 

Louis Virtel Wait, you’re. I’m Not a Girl. Not Yet a Woman?

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, I’m just trying to find the woman in me.

 

Louis Virtel First of all, brilliant rendition. I absolutely will be seeing you on Broadway. You go through the Hollywood around talking about.

 

Ira Madison III And Juliet.

 

Louis Virtel Yes. Okay. Yes. I just don’t love The Woman in Me. Like, I just. I just don’t like it.

 

Ira Madison III Hmm. That’s it?

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, I just. It’s not serving. I’m not. It’s not iconic for Britney.

 

Ira Madison III I want to turn.

 

Louis Virtel Yes, Yes, precisely. That’s a J.K. Rowling memoir title. You know what I’m saying? Okay. Moving on. I have to say, Keep It to this fucking Wonka trailer. Guys, I was I don’t want to say optimistic because I think we’ve, you know, messed with this franchise or this character enough. But I just watched the trailer. I honestly don’t think Timothee Chalumet has given a bad performance yet that I have seen. I have enjoyed him in everything. I loved him in Lady Bird. He was a revelation In Call Me By Your Name. Even in Bones, a novel which is sort of a minor entry in his filmography. I thought he was really good in that. I loved him in Beautiful Boy. There was not a single second in this trailer where he was fucking giving and also specifically. It sure does not seem like the writing is giving one ingredient that is not in this that you know is in common with the other iterations. Roald Dahl. Something was fucking messed up with Roald Dahl. You do not want to look too closely at the life of Roald Dahl or what he was going for it. Any given moment. I’m sure it gets really offensive the more you peer. He’s strange. He loved to really alienate kids. He loved to be unsettling. As I always say, I think reading Roald Dahl the first time a child says what the fuck to himself.

 

Ira Madison III So is it any wonder that I loved Roald Dahl books?

 

Louis Virtel Precisely. No. Me too. Yes. I loved James and the Giant Peach. That was always my favorite one. But here are one. As we’ve said before, I just don’t think there’s much to mine in the personal history of Willy Wonka. I. I don’t think I’m going to gain anything from knowing he had a maternal figure he looked up to, or that he really wanted to be a chocolatier. There was some sincere ambition to him because the thrill of Willy Wonka, at least in the books and in the 1971 version with Gene Wilder, he both had a conspiratorial quality where he could engage everybody and then also an instantly alienating quality to where he could turn on you at a moment’s notice. And I’m not getting either of those extremes here. And in fact, I’m not getting much in the way of comedy from Timothy Charlemagne either. I guess as such, if you think of him on Saturday Night Live, was he that funny? I don’t know if he’s the right man for this job.

 

Ira Madison III Listen, I was sort of like Eric Dixon and R.E.M. from this famous scene in Love and Hip Hop, where you’re watching Mimi files sex tape. Watching this trailer. I was going, Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. Like, this was in different areas that I did not want to watch. Yeah, right. I was a first of all, just sort of taking in the entire, like, you know, Wonka, you know, sort of like history or whatever. Everyone’s supposed to be shocked when they go to work as factory because he’s so secretive, like, what’s going on there? Like these other candies and things he has, right? You know, he’s a recluse, so. Is he? Has he been floating people around with floating chocolate like, forever?

 

Louis Virtel Yeah. No, It feels like it’s taking the fun part of Willy Wonka and making it a banal and kind of. They’re not making it. They’re making it less opaque. They think we there shouldn’t be. We shouldn’t know why he’s reclusive, ultimately.

 

Ira Madison III Also, just fuck it. Make Charlie the great glass elevator.

 

Louis Virtel Which is a crazy ass fucking book. And my grandparents became like -20 years old and stuff. It’s not right Again, something is wrong with Roald Dahl. And also, additionally, there was a still from this movie that got out that was turned is now in the trailer. Hugh Grant is an oompa loompa. Fagots, I don’t want to see it. I don’t want to see a short Hugh Grant. I just rewatched Four Weddings and a Funeral on a Plane the other day. Spotless scintillating comedy. And by the way, Kristin Scott Thomas in that movie is the picture of 1990s Chic. Nobody looked better in the nineties than Kristin Scott Thomas in that movie Andie MacDowell. Good try. Yes, I do not need to see him being endearing. In fact, I need Hugh Grant to be even meaner in movies.

 

Ira Madison III Even meaner mean in person.

 

Louis Virtel That’s what I mean. BRIGER Throw it down.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, I don’t want to see this movie. I mean, I will.

 

Louis Virtel But, yeah, there’s a little bit of a demented, accidentally demented quality about this movie, like the Cats trailer gave us Once Upon a Time.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, It’s.

 

Louis Virtel Like it’s not in charge of it.

 

Ira Madison III You know, the big cats and bring it on.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah. You can handle another helping of that. All right. I’ll rent out a theater for that endlessly.

 

Ira Madison III I mean, listen, Timmy needs one really? Like, you can’t be. You can’t be a movie star until you have one really good flop.

 

Louis Virtel True. Yeah, you’re right. He kind of doesn’t have one. Like, Dune was great.

 

Ira Madison III Looking at his filmography, he has a lot of movies that, like, we have not seen of him. But I saw this movie Hot Summer Nights with Him and Michael Monroe. It premiered at South by Southwest in 2017 and then was released like. July 27th by A24 in a limited theatrical release. It’s basically, you know, like this kid who goes to Cape Cod after his father dies and then, you know, he gets into selling like pharmaceutical drugs and shit and wants to be like a spring breakers sort of. Brett Isn’t that kind of vibe? Abysmal.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, wow. I was going to say, I don’t know a thing about it, so I have the distinct feeling he gets mad.

 

Ira Madison III If you ever watch this movie, you’re in for a ride. It is really just a wacky, dumb movie. But also, speaking of Bret Easton Ellis, The Shard is coming to HBO.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, wild. Who’s in it?

 

Ira Madison III There’s no casting yet, but Luca is directing it.

 

Louis Virtel Oh. Famous Timothy. Accomplice.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. Yeah. He’s directing every episode, and Brett is writing every episode. Hmm.

 

Louis Virtel I feel somewhat dubious about that, but. Okay.

 

Ira Madison III Listen, it might be his. It might be his redemption for the canyons.

 

Louis Virtel I can’t believe that was forced on us. That’s an astounding thing. Ira, what are your multiple Keep Its this week?

 

Ira Madison III So my first Keep It This week goes to Speak Now, Taylor’s version.

 

Louis Virtel Somebody told me that this was the first Taylor’s version that surpasses the original album. You don’t agree with that?

 

Ira Madison III Who who was this? Where you. Where you At the cuckoo’s nest.

 

Louis Virtel I was the star. Never say anything.

 

Ira Madison III Um, I don’t know. I you know, I first of all, you know, to get the first elephant out of the way, she changes the lyrics to Better Than Revenge.

 

Louis Virtel All right.

 

Ira Madison III You know where the line used to say she’s better known for the things that she does on a mattress. Wow. In Taylor’s version, it’s changed to. He was a moth to the flame. She was holding the matches.

 

Louis Virtel I don’t need to hear any more moth and flame metaphors. Were you actually Madonna? Madonna has also over exercised those.

 

Ira Madison III Leave them with Kander and Ebb.

 

Speaker 3 Yeah.

 

Louis Virtel I also say I feel like this album Speak Now is sort of the this is a glib comparison, the art pop of her oeuvre and that fans really defend it, but it really is only known for a moment or two. Like people know the song, I mean, primarily from this album, right? So I don’t feel like it’s a it’s a tough album to grade coming back.

 

Ira Madison III I would say reputations are art pop in that they’re both artists. Best albums.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, okay. I love a little hostility from you on that front. And also, you are crazy because Lady Gaga’s guest album is the fame, hands down.

 

Ira Madison III The other thing about this album is that, listen, I get the rerecording, you know, because, you know, the I get.

 

Louis Virtel The Masters, so.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, right. I get it. But recapturing that, like. Fury, especially considering the 2009 that Taylor had with all of like the Kanye shit and everything recapturing the fury of the. 1920 year old who was writing this album while touring the Fearless album. Hmm is going to be hard to do when you’re 33.

 

Louis Virtel I do have to say, though, I feel like she kind of has the advantage in her corner of something about her appeal is even as we get older, we still have these sort of teenage feelings. So I was wondering if the album would play similarly now. Like, oh, you know, we’re all kind of like moody Teens at heart. I don’t mean to say this to denigrate her work. I just think that’s kind of an appeal of her.

 

Ira Madison III No, of course. I mean, I’m listen, like, it works with like, Jo-Jo, like when she was singing saxophones as a kid. Now she’s like a grown woman. Right. And I kind of like aspects of the Rent film soundtrack because, you know, like, they they have, you know, the the cast’s voices sound a lot, like, more mature. You know, like another day sound sexier from Adam Pascal than it does in maybe the original one where, you know, he’s a bit more like whiny and got it. But I don’t know, I just, I just miss that. That raw energy that she had as a kid. You know, so I don’t know. And I think on this one, like the the from the vault versions like you know the song with Paramore in the song Fall out boy like based on boring to me you know like especially with like Patrick Stump is an amazing fucking vocalist. Hayley Williams is an amazing vocalist. And when like a paramour or Fall Out boy song, like hits, like they’re singing out, you know, like Babyface worked with Fall Out, Boy, like Babyface perform. Thanks for the memories at his tiny NPR Tiny Desk recently. And like a lot of people discover that he produced that Fall Out Boy song. I think that like paramour the reason why Paramore and like out boy have black fans you know there’s always that joke online about you know like black people a paramour is because like the two lead singers, like our vocalist down like they like they give you notes, they give you soul, etc.. And I feel like they’re just a little bit muted on the songs on Speak Now, Taylor’s version. And I weirdly find her muted on the songs too. You know, like she’s not giving, she’s not giving, you know, like, you know, when you really hear her, like going all out on a song, you know, like, like I’m giving vocals, I’m giving energy, I’m giving like, anger or something. Like it just feels sort of like ho hum to me.

 

Louis Virtel But also, by the way, I think you just said it like the quote unquote drama that this album is about is so exhausted beyond everyone’s wildest dreams like we’ve been over that time and again. So to dredge up those feelings are, you know, think about that. It’s just not going to sound the same or have the same kind of Viper ish edge.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, I don’t know. It’s sort of akin to. And like a friend of mine was talking about, like, you know, like they ran into someone who, like, used to live in L.A., you know, like back when I used to live there, like, years ago. Right. You know, and. They were just they were talking about like some like drama that happened within their group of friends from, I don’t know, like four years ago or something. And it was really like, Who gives a fuck?

 

Louis Virtel Right. Yeah.

 

Ira Madison III I’m like it’s  2023.

 

Louis Virtel For Taylor.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. It’s like, why are you running into me and talking to me about something that happened in 2019? Who cares?

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, right.

 

Ira Madison III Now, sort of what this feels like. So I’m going to be streaming Scooter’s version of Scooter.

 

Louis Virtel We should have, like, a tally of who wins each album, Scooter or Taylor.

 

Ira Madison III I put on Threads that I was going to keep listening to studios version, and someone said, Well, we’re not going to do is uplift this man. And I was like, Girl, she still get money from it. Chill out.

 

Louis Virtel And also, I wonder how many Stans are truly listening to Taylor’s version every time. I wonder.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, I want to know.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah. Tell us in the comments or tell us in DMS if you’re too ashamed.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, because also a lot of the fans own the CDs and vinyl too. So at that point, you know, like if you’re listening to it, it’s not like the streams are going to him.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, right.

 

Ira Madison III I have I actually have speak now the original on vinyl. So if I want to listen to it, is that even going into his pocket.

 

Louis Virtel Oh well I don’t believe vinyl is for speak now, so I don’t know why.

 

Ira Madison III He did that.

 

Speaker 3 On.

 

Ira Madison III Vinyl is for Pink Friday. Robin promote it which I just also got.

 

Louis Virtel Or the Purple Exile in Guyville that just came out for the 30th anniversary. Liz Phair I’m seeing you on tour. Ira, What’s the other Keep It?

 

Ira Madison III My other Keep It this week goes to men.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, you don’t say. What does that half of the population doing right now.

 

Ira Madison III And not the Alex Garland film?

 

Louis Virtel Oh, Which I mean, that would have been perfectly valid.

 

Ira Madison III I mean, also an abysmal piece of cinema. Yes, but. No, it goes to men in particular. After, first of all, Kiki Palmer’s baby daddy.

 

Louis Virtel What a fucking mess.

 

Ira Madison III This. I love that this entire thing is sort of unspooled because Keke Palmer wore a sexy dress. A sexy, sheer dress to see Usher in Vegas and her baby daddy Colbert’s head on Twitter. If the clothes for me wear something like a little less revealing or whatever it is, he said. And that sparked the Internet, telling him that Kiki can wear whatever the fuck she wants to wear. Obviously, because she’s Keke Palmer. Right. And then finding all of his other tweets were basically he’s sexist, homophobic, maybe an incel.

 

Louis Virtel The possibilities are endless and also frightening.

 

Ira Madison III I’ve never seen someone sort of like bury themselves that that right wildly. You know, it was so it was so abrupt.

 

Louis Virtel Obviously, we’ll get into a related story in a second, but can’t you fucking hear yourself when you tweet things like this that you sound like, you know, you’re giving the mayor in Footloose, you’re giving just like horrible boyfriend. Like what kind of woman would want to hear that kind of thing about herself publicly and privately?

 

Ira Madison III But, you know, I mean, like I was talking to some girlfriends, too, you know, and they were basically, like, not shocked because, I mean, is that just sort of men in general? I mean, like gays will like experience that, too. You know, I mean, like, how many girls do we know who are in like maybe say, like an open relationship? Right. You know, like you’ve decided that this is going to be like the rules or whatever your relationship that you know, and then one of them, like, starts to change the rules or be more demanding as it goes on. You know, I feel like a lot of people I feel the main problem in this Kiki situation. And then the related story that we’ll get to as well is. People sort of being attracted to one thing and wanting one thing and then, I don’t know, wanting a maya Angelou caged bird. It. You know.

 

Louis Virtel Right. No, I’ve seen a lot of Threads on Twitter and Threads about how people are attracted to, like a vivacious personality, a really self-possessed person. And then as the relationship continues, it becomes more about containing that and making sure it’s it feels comfortable, you know, to them, meaning like they aren’t, you know, attracting other people with that same personality. You know, it’s just about that one person does that. That’s one of them possessing a self-possessed person.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. I mean, you know, I had like an acquaintance, you know, who was like, dating someone who was who like, only fans. Right. And then it became, Oh, actually, I wish they didn’t do that anymore. Now that we’re together, I’m like, Well, that’s why you want to fuck them in the first place.

 

Louis Virtel Right. Right.

 

Ira Madison III Now you just don’t want other people thinking about them in the same way.

 

Louis Virtel Right. You hate the way you think about them. You don’t want other people to do it the same. The same thing you did.

 

Ira Madison III Which is while to me, because I can I could not date anybody that everyone else does not also want to fuck.

 

Louis Virtel That’s right. There’s got to be some capital here. You got to be a bounty.

 

Ira Madison III Speaking of Jonah Hill, Wolfe is also a man. And.

 

Louis Virtel It does not get worse than that taxed. It does not get worse.

 

Ira Madison III That text is. The text is so. I’m sorry, the Texas so funny to me because it’s written with the like it’s written with, you know, like the energy of like you would send someone like a grocery list.

 

Louis Virtel Yes. Precisely.

 

Ira Madison III It’s like make sure you pick up like hotdogs for the barbecue, but get this kind of hot dog because I don’t like this kind. It’s it’s very, like specific. And so just like I, I don’t want to say cold, but just like, lacking in any sort of, like.

 

Louis Virtel Emotion negotiation. Like, it’s just like, here, here’s what you need to pick up. It’s a chore. Except what he’s telling her to.

 

Ira Madison III It’s your dadending you a grocery list, actually.

 

Louis Virtel Precise. Yes. You’re too stupid to make your own decisions. Except what he’s doing is saying you can’t trust this way. You can’t behave this way around. Certain people better not act this way about around other men. And anyway, this text was posted publicly. And I mean, it’s just it’s a ball of insecurity. I mean, how else can you describe it? It’s somebody telling his girlfriend to behave in a set amount of ways and acting like she’s stupid if she doesn’t get it.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. I mean, so he was dating his ex, Sarah Brady, who’s, you know, the surfer and, you know, obviously is always taking photos of herself in swimwear. You know.

 

Louis Virtel Often one will surf in swimwear. Yeah.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. You know, I mean, she’s not the flying nun. Okay, Okay, So.

 

Louis Virtel Let’s just we love the early Sally Field canon.

 

Ira Madison III But obviously that’s why he was attracted to her, you know, like a hot surfer. And then. Unfortunately, once they got together. He blew crushed her dreams.

 

Louis Virtel Yes. The wolf of Wall Street emerged.

 

Ira Madison III He was like, I don’t want you dressed sexy. I don’t want you, you know, posting photos like this. And it’s like, well, actually, a surfer.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, right. I can’t picture an alternative, frankly.

 

Ira Madison III I think what’s most what’s most interesting about this particular story, though, is. Just the evolution of Jonah Hill, because like, he started out like Superbad and these other films, Right? And like, you know, one, did we take him seriously as an actor, really? Like, he was funny.

 

Louis Virtel He was a likable, big galoot.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. And, you know, like, he was great in 21 Jump Street, 22 Jump Street. And then came the period where he, you know, he was doing like Wolf of Wall Street.

 

Louis Virtel Moneyball.

 

Ira Madison III Moneyball. Yeah. Which I love. I love Moneyball.

 

Louis Virtel I would say that movie is successful based on what it is, which is people being on the phone in a room.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. Just like ice cream.

 

Louis Virtel Wow. Good double feature.

 

Ira Madison III But like, after doing the prestige work, then he did his, you know, his losing weight thing, you know? And then then he, like, seemed to transform into sort of like a hippie, like surfer, a Jay-Z, like, you know, like one of those people who’s smelling like patchouli, whatever. They walk into a party, you know.

 

Louis Virtel Right. A Brooke and Maya in Clueless. Yeah.

 

Ira Madison III And not in the way that Giuliana Rancic accused Zendaya of smelling like Patchouli.

 

Louis Virtel The most famous patchouli reference on the planet.

 

Ira Madison III Can I say, though. In retrospect, one of the best things to happen to Zendaya.

 

Louis Virtel She, like parabolic, rose from there.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, I mean, I feel like she was an actress that we loved.

 

Louis Virtel And singer.

 

Ira Madison III And singer. Yeah, well, she’ll do that shit no more. She’s like, You want a vocal? I don’t think so.

 

Louis Virtel No. She’ll take another Emmy.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, but that moment sort of made I feel like the Internet rally around Sanjaya in a sort of protective way. Mm hmm. Right, Right. And it gave, you know, like, the Internet loves a common enemy. So once Juliana became the enemy, then, like, that helped Zendaya’s rise.

 

Louis Virtel Right. You know, if there’s anything Stans love, it’s feeling like they are up against something.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah.

 

Louis Virtel That unites them.

 

Ira Madison III Which is what we’ve always said on the show. Like about how, like, you know, there are two. There are, like, two main ways to become a celebrity on a higher tier. You either couple up with another celebrity because the tabloids love gossip. Yeah. Or you need to have something bad happen to you.

 

Louis Virtel Right?

 

Ira Madison III Because then you get the sympathy of consumers of America. Like, of the people like watching you. And then that will, you know, help you in your career.

 

Louis Virtel We should put out a pamphlet or something. I believe this will help out certain people. Naomi Watts, you should read the pamphlet. Even though she keeps coupling up with famous people. Anyway, here’s with Billy Crudup. Now.

 

Ira Madison III I think she’s. Well, interesting, famous people that people care about.

 

Louis Virtel Okay, That’s true. Yeah. Minor Emmy winners? No, not the same thing.

 

Ira Madison III No one is hiding in the bushes, snapping photos of Billy Crudup leaving George Baldy. And you’re Naomi Watts. Okay. Like.

 

Louis Virtel But you beat that hurricane that one time.

 

Ira Madison III Fuck Timothy Salomé.

 

Louis Virtel Right.

 

Ira Madison III That would help honestly.

 

Louis Virtel There it is.

 

Ira Madison III And you know what? I bet he do it because he is a hoe.

 

Louis Virtel Yes. And he loves celebrity ladies.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. Is he still with Kylie Jenner? I supposed to say that I believe that they hooked up. Obviously, he’s.

 

Louis Virtel Currently with Oompa-Loompas, as we just described. So I don’t know if they have time.

 

Ira Madison III Kylie calling Ben an oopa loomp. She’s like, this is even too weird for my family. Chris can’t spin that. Drug addict. Sure. The grand wizard, maybe.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, God. But I need to be retired.

 

Ira Madison III But not a oompa stoomper

 

Louis Virtel No. Oh, my God. Wow. Coining new words for the tabloids. Thank you. Oompa Schtoomper. Yes.

 

Ira Madison III Anyway, Jonah Hill. I won’t say that I’m sad, but he did do that movie up. All right. So he had this coming?

 

Louis Virtel Yeah. There was some comeuppance in the air. Yeah.

 

Ira Madison III All right. That’s our show this week, I guess.

 

Louis Virtel No guest, I hope. I hope it was entertaining enough. Just, you know, Statler and Waldorf here babbling their asses off.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. You know Mulder and Scully.

 

Louis Virtel Sure.

 

Ira Madison III Just to get an X-Files reference in.

 

Louis Virtel I was going to say a show I’ve seen one episode of. But I believe you.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, after Alex Edelman clocked me last week.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, that’s right. Yes. God, I love him.

 

Ira Madison III All right. Thank you to us for being here this week.

 

Louis Virtel Thanks for being here, Ira. Yeah.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah.

 

Louis Virtel What a pleasure.

 

Ira Madison III And I will see you all next week with whoever our guest host is.

 

Louis Virtel And if you see my luggage in the Penn Station lost and found, you know who to ring up. It’s gray. Remova. It’s scuffed also.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, Just dial 1-800- Keep It, if you find the luggage. Keep It is a Crooked Media production. Our senior producer is Kendra James. Our producer is Chris Lord, and our associate producer is Malcolm Whitfield. Our executive producers are Ira Madison, the third and Louis Virtel.

 

Louis Virtel This episode was recorded and mixed by Evan Sutton. Thank you to our digital team, Megan Patzel and Rachel Gaewski, and to Matt deGroot and David Toles for production support every week.

 

Ira Madison III And as always, Keep It as recorded in front of a live studio audience.