Open Water | Crooked Media
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October 03, 2023
Ruined with Alison Leiby and Halle Kiefer
Open Water

In This Episode

Halle and Alison decide how they would run a scuba diving excursion as they ruin Open Water.

 

 

 

TRANSCRIPT

 

[AD BREAK]

 

[theme music]: If scary movies give you dread. Keep you up late night in bed, here’s a podcast that will help you ease your mind. We’ll explain the plot real nicely then we’ll talk about what’s frightening, so you never have to have a spooky time. It’s Ruined.

 

Halle Kiefer: Hello. Welcome to Ruined. I’m Halle. 

 

Alison Leiby: And I’m Alison. 

 

Halle Kiefer: We’re just two gals in the void chatting about a horror movie that we’re going to ruin just for you. 

 

Alison Leiby: Just for all you all you Hal—

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison. No.

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You first. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay, fine. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison. How are you doing? 

 

Alison Leiby: I’m bad. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Okay. I’m so sorry. 

 

Alison Leiby: [laughter] As if I’m not bad all the time. But there’s a specific—

 

Halle Kiefer: I know. 

 

Alison Leiby: —new. Somehow, like a week ago, my face had some kind of allergic reaction to something that I cannot pinpoint. I have used no different products. I have eaten, no different foods from normal. I have walked like I’ve been using the same laundry detergent for like two months. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh interesting. 

 

Alison Leiby: I have no new fabrics in my life. It my whole head itches [laughter] like or not my whole head. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I’m so sorry. 

 

Alison Leiby: It’s mostly like around my mouth and, like. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh. 

 

Alison Leiby: It doesn’t like at first I was like, oh, it feels like a sunburn, kind of. And I thought it was a sunburn. And then I was like, oh, maybe the sunburn. And then like, my lotion is interacting with like, I don’t know, but like. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Boy. 

 

Alison Leiby: It sucks. And I’m just like, can you just, like, develop a random allergy? 

 

Halle Kiefer: You can, apparently. Yeah.

 

Alison Leiby: Out of nowhere. Which like, that’s what I’m afraid of. 

 

Halle Kiefer: What do you think you’re allergic to?

 

Alison Leiby: I don’t know. I like I use really gentle skin care products so it doesn’t, like look that bad. It’s just like, a little—

 

Halle Kiefer: It doesn’t look that bad. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay, well—

 

Halle Kiefer: I mean could it be environmental? Like, could it be, like, pollen or something like in the air?

 

Alison Leiby: I’m allergic to pollen and have really bad, like seasonal allergies as we both very much suffer from. But. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: I don’t think it’s quite that. I don’t know. It’s like this kind of just like mystery. That’s not the biggest deal, but it is like, how do I figure? I guess I have to go to a dermatologist. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I’m so sorry. I guess my question is, yeah, like if you take a Zyrtec or Benadryl, does it go away or it just lingers? 

 

Alison Leiby: I haven’t taken anything like any antihistamine or allergy type stuff, so I guess I could try that. It doesn’t. It feels so like I’m not someone who, like, gets hives or like, breaks out with the allergic stuff. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: So it feels just like and it’s like pretty localized to being like in one area of my face where I’m like, it is. I think it’s something that’s like outside in, not inside out. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. Also, this is basically what going to the doctor is in America right now. It’s just trying to describe something to a friend. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, right. I’m getting about the same treatment. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: I guess I feel like go to the doctor. First of all.

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, I think that’s what I’m going to do. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And not that this is the exact same. But recently both Alison and I were on Doug Loves Movies, and then I was on again. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And right before I was on it, there’s a fig tree. I live in LA and so there’s like fruit trees and I will just if they’re overhanging the street, I will just take them because otherwise they just fall on the sidewalk and rot. And I, I, I picked a fig and I’ve done this before out of the same tree and I usually, of course, rinse it off when I get home. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm hmm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But because I’m an ape, I just bit into it. 

 

Alison Leiby: Shoved it in your mouth? Yeah.

 

Halle Kiefer: And the it has like sort of a sticky, like white sap on the top of it. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh no. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And I guess I always rinse that off before I bit into it. And then the sap was on my lips and then my lips and my mouth started to go numb. And I’m like, Am I going to go to anaphylaxis while I’m doing Doug Loves Movies? Because I would be pretty fucking pissed about that. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh my God. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But then I was like, so I just took a Zyrtec and than I was like, Hey guys, if I stop talking, just, you know, I probably had—

 

Alison Leiby: Call 911. [laughter]

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, it ended up being fine. But similarly I was like, I’ve eaten this fruit. It’s obviously not the fruit. It must be the sap I’m allergic to or like have some sort of reaction to.

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: There was just that moment of like, oh, I wasn’t planning on having some sort of horrific allergic reaction today, you know? 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh God, it’s just like everything about being a human who’s alive in the world right now is. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: Terrible. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I it is hard to—

 

Alison Leiby: Like physically. 

 

Halle Kiefer: [laughs] I don’t mean to say this the way it’s going to sound, but like I was reading stuff about, you know, climate change and they’re like, well, you know, either this is going to be just how it is for a while or over the next few decades, we will slide into what could potentially total climate collapse. And I’m like, well, time to go record our podcast. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh boy. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And. But also like, what else can we do? You know? 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I mean, I mean, like obviously I, we probably should be, I don’t want to say blowing up yachts, but I think—

 

Alison Leiby: I think we should be. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —that’s where a lot of us are going to end up and we just maybe all should plan for that, not today, but perhaps tomorrow. And again, I don’t say this to alarm people. It’s just, you know, as things get worse, we’re going to want to feel like we can do something about it and why not do it now? And I appreciate everyone who is a climate activist. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Or is doing anything regarding the climate, you know, watching just people try to demonstrate any way possible. You know, it’s I don’t know, my heart really goes out. To anyone who’s doing anything. And it makes me be like, okay, well, I don’t know what to do, but I at least show up somewhere to hold a sign. So.

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, yeah, I’m used to walking around outside now, so I can do that, if that is helpful. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. And you know, that’s what’s going on with me, I think. Sort of, unfortunately. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You know, I imagine listener, you’re you’re going through much of the same. 

 

Alison Leiby: We’re all going through it. And at least now I have a hat for Rizz that a friend bought me so I’m going to try—

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh. Yeah.

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah I’ll—

 

Halle Kiefer: Can you, can you, can you describe it? 

 

Alison Leiby: For those that are, that are watching. It’s a little fruit cap like it looks like the top of a fruit goes on the top of your cat’s head and it has a little strap underneath so it can stay on because it needs to stay on. And it was a mystery box. And I got the strawberry. So Rizz has a little strawberry hat that I know he’ll never wear. But I if I can make it happen, it’ll show up on the Ruined Instagram. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. I just think of all things cat’s like having something really tight around their ears. Does not seem like—

 

Alison Leiby: This is pretty loose. Like, it’s not, like, super tight. So I think that. I mean, he has a little tiny head because he’s a little tiny baby, but, you know. We’ll, we’ll give it a whirl. Strawberry cat. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Strawberry cat and strawberry cat will lead us into the future. Something has to. Right?

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. Yes.

 

Halle Kiefer: And with that in mind, we are starting out this month’s theme, and this month’s theme is not so dissimilar from last month, except it’s Alison specific. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: We’re. The theme of October is, Let’s Scare Alison to Death, which of course, we take that title from the classic movie Let’s Scare Jessica to Death, which we will be doing later in the month. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes, of course we must. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And these are our patrons on our Patreon have recommended movies. Thank you so much. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: We’re going to be taking a gander at those. And these are all the scariest movies you can think of. And if they could be specific to Alison, that would be great. Which brings us to our first film. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh boy. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Because I thought this would be particularly scary to Alison because Alison is a water gal. 

 

Alison Leiby: I am a water gal.

 

Halle Kiefer: Loves to swim, loves to be at the beach. And the movie is, of course, 2003’s Open Water.  

 

Alison Leiby: Oh my God. I’m so upset that we’re doing this. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Which for girls of our age where we both remember when this came out, this was sort of like not Blair Witch level, but it was like I was like, oh my God, the scariest. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Fucking movie. 

 

Alison Leiby: And like, also like total horror on a relatively simple basis. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And also based on a real story. So we will discuss that at the end. 

 

Alison Leiby: Great. I can’t wait. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And now, of course, we always like to have Alison watch the trailer. Alison, what did you think of the Open Water trailer? 

 

Alison Leiby: No, I remember this trailer. I remember seeing it in theaters. I remember seeing it on TV and maybe the Internet, depending on like, 2003?

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. Yeah. I would have been online, I think. 

 

Alison Leiby: I think I was like, going on to like AOL’s home page and being like, are there movie trailers? 

 

Halle Kiefer: It was definitely on there.

 

Alison Leiby: Oh Apple, Apple. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Okay. 

 

Alison Leiby: It was. Apple had like there was some website where it was just like all of the movie trailers that are out. And I’m like, That’s my favorite thing. Here’s where I think things fall apart for me. The dark. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: Like. Night. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: That’s like it’s like obviously everything about the trailer is scary because everything about the concept of that’s where it’s like you’re scuba diving and you come up and your boat is gone and you’re in the middle of the ocean. But man, once night falls, it’s a whole different ballgame. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, I feel like this is such an intense, primal fear of mine. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm hmm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Being in open water. I guess. I suppose that’s for everybody. That’s not in any way. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Like, well, a quirky thing about me. No, no. It’s horrifying. But there is the thing that I really that really gets me about this movie is that it is so unrelenting. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And even, we’ll get into it. But boy, this really stuck with me. I’ll tell you. 

 

Alison Leiby: [laughter] Oh boy, this is you seem genuinely like moved by this in a bad way. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, I watched it last night and I was like, oh, well, again, because I think, you know, art right now is particularly beholden to the based on true story. And I think we’re kind of running up against the end of that. I, you know, like. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I love a true story. 

 

Alison Leiby: Of course. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But also like, let’s mix it up a little bit. 

 

Alison Leiby: Let’s make some new stuff too. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But this is haunting, which brings us to the baseline scary. Alison. How scary do you find the concept of Open Water? 

 

Alison Leiby: Like as someone who loves the water, I love being on boats, I love swimming. I love anything I can do in the water. I’m interested. I have no interest in being in water and not being at least in sight of land. Like. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I agree. 

 

Alison Leiby: I need to know what direction land is like even if you’re like, I don’t know how far it is before you can’t see land when you’re in the water. But like, even if it’s a super far distance, like at least if I’m like, oh, the land is there, like. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: People who could help us are there. They can probably be aware of me. I if I had to, I could make it back there somehow, eventually, like, but open water where you’re just in the middle of the ocean like it is. I, mm mm, nope. Pass. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I completely agree. Obviously, the characters in this movie also they are scuba diving. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And that there’s so many levels to me of of, I’ve only ever snorkeled I never scuba dived—

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —have to get like certified. 

 

Alison Leiby: I am not a scuba diver. 

 

Halle Kiefer: The claustrophobia that having some of your mouth underwater, being underwater, being around a bunch of sharks and other fish that have their own business and you’re entering their house. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: The weight of water on your body, the factor of the, like there’s so many steps that I it. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Are not for me. 

 

Alison Leiby: It’s not for me. And even just also, like, there’s the like if you’re deep underwater, like you can’t go up too fast. So if something does happen or is happening. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: Then it’s like, oh, also going to kill you. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Absolutely, completely. And absolutely. And before we we begin, would you like to guess the twist in Open Water, Alison? 

 

[voice over]: Guess the twist. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oof. Would you say there’s a twist in this? 

 

Halle Kiefer: I sure wouldn’t. It’s pretty straightforward what’s going to happen to these people. And the horror is just knowing that it’s inescapable and they are simply adrift in the middle of the ocean with no protection or ability to stop what’s going to happen. 

 

Alison Leiby: I’m going to guess that they don’t get rescued and like kind of the the thrill of it is that the people get there like just too late to rescue them. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Okay, great. Let us begin ruining Open Water, Alison. Oh, text on the screen up top, baby. 

 

Alison Leiby: Ooh. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Based on true events, we meet our main man, Daniel. He’s loading up his hatchback with all of his luggage, including scuba equipment. Not the tank, but everything else. You know, your little facemask, your flippers. They got it all. He’s both he and Susan, who is his lover who we’re about to meet, are very busy. And we see Daniel. I’m not sure. Of course, if he’s supposed to be a heating and cooling man or contractor, but he’s—

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —calls his coworker Don and he’s like, Please don’t put the boiler until, like, I get back. The house. It’s going to be done in a couple of weeks. The inspection is going to be then so we don’t rush into it. At home we see Susan also places her own call. I think she does like sports news. 

 

Alison Leiby: Sure. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So she’s like, find another producer. I’m on vacation. At least call someone for the pre-game, you know? 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. Okay.

 

Halle Kiefer: So they’re very busy. So they’re taking this vacation specifically to be like, we were going to spend time with one another. To me, they’re both like 40 years old. I don’t know, like one or either have divorced, but like, these are fully adult people who are trying to have this relationship get going. You know what I mean? And this is a struggle for. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You know, busy people such as ourselves. 

 

Alison Leiby: I understand. 

 

Halle Kiefer: It’s like you really do have to take time out. So they are doing it. And we also find out at a certain point that in their relationship they have gotten scuba diving certified. So it’s like a fun thing they do together. And now finally they’re going to go and they don’t specifically stay where they are. But they are an American couple based on their accents. And the unfortunately, the real couple. This happened off the coast of Australia over the Great Barrier Reef. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oof. Australia. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: Scary shit happens down there. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So let’s say you live in L.A., we’re flying down to Australia, you know, like again, we are going to be gone, gone we are. You know, he picks up Susan and they get in the car and she keeps getting phone calls from her producer Cal, to ask her what to do and she’s also bringing her laptop and he says, you know, I don’t even know if they WIFI there or no like, sorry, it probably wasn’t WIFI. It’s like, I don’t think you can get online there. She’s like, oh, no, I checked. You can. And so again, it’s just dumb ass Cal calling over and over again. And Daniel says, This is supposed to be a vacation. And Susan goes, And, boy, do we need one. [laughter] Oh, I’m so sorry. This is the vacation of a lifetime. But with that, Alison, they’re off. They’re on the plane, and now they’re in a beautiful beachside resort. Presumably in Australia. We see an iguana, we see kids playing in the surf, everyone’s having—

 

Alison Leiby: Okay iguanas. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —tropical drinks like we see them by the beach, relaxing in the sun, having a great time. Later, we see Daniel’s working on Susan’s computer. When she comes back, she is set up for the next morning, a scuba excursion at 8:30 a.m.. 

 

Alison Leiby: 8:30. See. That to me is not vacation. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, I’m going to stop you right there. [laughter] But it’s like these are such workaholics. They are the people on vacation. They need to have appointments, like we have to have stuff. You know what I mean? 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And he says, Oh, here’s your computer back do you want to check your e-mail? She’s like, No, I’m on vacation time to enjoy the island. They go to like a bunch of different shops. They get a coconut to sip out of. We see party boats, some drunk, mostly white people, you know, people, you know, just regular resort type stuff. She snaps a photo of Daniel putting his head in a big fake shark’s mouth, which of course is—

 

Alison Leiby: Okay that’s fun. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You know? And then they walk side by side in the surf. And I wrote me and who, Alison? 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Me and who? That night they— 

 

Alison Leiby: Me and you. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh, well that would be nice. 

 

Alison Leiby: I’ll go on vacation with you. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: I would love that. Yeah, I would love that. I will say I’m not a beach gal. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah that’s where we differ.

 

Halle Kiefer: I like the beach for about an hour and it’s like I unfortunately, we’ll have to go to a museum or something. That’s fine. 

 

Alison Leiby: That’s fine. 

 

Halle Kiefer: We can do our own thing. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: That night. They’re laying nude in bed and they have sort of. I didn’t know it was aloe. They have some sort of like white substance on their face. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, I wonder if it would make my face feel better? [laughter]

 

Halle Kiefer: Honest to God, it couldn’t hurt. 

 

Alison Leiby: I would ask them, but I don’t feel like they’re available anymore. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: And Daniel, they kiss and Daniel’s like, So how are you doing? And Susan’s like, you know, I’m fine, I am really stressed about work, but I’m trying to let go. You know? He’s like, Well, maybe I can get you to think about something else. But Susan tells him I might not be in the mood. I’m kind of exhausted. And Daniel says, You’re right. It’s been a long day. And they hit the hay. There was a funny moment where in the middle of the night they turned on the lamps and then Daniel’s on his knees in the bed with a rolled up magazine is just try to crush, like, a huge bug. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. See, that’s the Australia. I’m not interested in.

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. The alarm goes off at 6:30. Daniel rolls over to cuddle Susan. And the beautiful morning in paradise stretches out past the window. And we see the glittering emerald sea. It’s this water is, green, green. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And so we see and so like everything we see sort of sets up how this might happen. So basically all these tourists are getting on the boat. Everyone brings their own gear except for the oxygen tanks are provided by this scuba boat. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. Service.

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, and it’s obviously people who are all certified. The boat is pretty packed. It turns out there are 20 passengers. We see an older couple, we see some frat guys, we see a couple with their tween son. We see like another couple like Susan and Daniel. So it’s it’s a very small boat. So you kind of already get like the like you’re kind of cramped on. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Like how sort of how we would you lose track of two people? Well, it’s kind of obvious. We meet our our guide Davis who gets up he announces to everyone like, welcome aboard the world famous Reef Explorer. And here’s the cap, our captain, Linda. Linda will stay on the boat during the excursion. So if anything ever happens, you can surface and waved to Linda and she’ll see you and Junior and I will be in the water with you. If you any problems, just swim up to us and we will be monitoring the dive. They’re headed to a dive site called Magic Kingdom. And he said some of the fish you’ll be able to see more eels, spotted eels, parrotfish angelfish, and you’re going to be swimming over the coral reef. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So it’s sort of like you’ll just see all these different beautiful fish which does sound nice—

 

Alison Leiby: That is the one thing that I that scuba appeals to me. And it’s like being able to see coral reefs up close would be cool. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: But I’m willing to miss that to not ever go scuba diving. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. And someone says, well, we see sharks. And David says, well, we are going to the open ocean. That is where they live. But they are not aggressive towards people like especially in a group. So you will not be in danger. But as I always say, if you don’t want to see a shark doing a dive. Close your eyes and everyone laughs and laughs. 

 

Alison Leiby: Not funny. 

 

Halle Kiefer: We see him take a headcount. 20 people, we arrive, they they take the boat out. They arrive at the Magic Kingdom dive site and he says everyone’s going to use the buddy system. So you have to go in with another person. Junior and I will be in the water with you. Linda will be on the boat and you can give her the international distress signal. And he goes help, which I did think was funny. 

 

Alison Leiby: That’s fun. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Meanwhile, there’s a diver there named Seth who’s there alone. He’s also not listing because he’s lost his mask and sort of frantically, looking at everyone’s feet. And he’s like, oh, has anyone seen, and everyone’s glaring at him because Davis is trying to give the safety. It’s like, do you want listen to a ten minute safety talk or do you wanna fucking die out here? 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Like grow up. You know.

 

Alison Leiby: This is not one of those this isn’t like being on a plane where it’s like, I know how to put a seatbelt on. Let’s, like, keep it moving. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. And eventually Seth just starts asking, like, did you bring an extra mask? Nobody did because they weren’t planning on you Seth, and the crew didn’t bring in because you have to bring everything except for the tanks. And Davis says, I’m sorry, you cannot dive without a mask. And Seth is pissed. He’s like, I get that Travis. And I was like, bring on the sharks. Bring on the sharks. 

 

Alison Leiby: Chop chop, baby. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And everyone’s getting a little pissed. So finally Seth settles down and Davis says, We’re going to down to the depth of 60 feet, which is where the reef is, and we’ll be diving for 35 minutes. I don’t know if that’s a normal amount of time. Seems like plenty of time to me. 

 

Alison Leiby: That’s enough. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Everyone’s doing 35 minutes and then at 10:30, everyone comes back up. We’ll load you back onto the boat and we’ll take you back to shore. So off we go. Everyone’s sort of jumping in the boat and we see the timestamp. It’s ah 9:45 a.m. 

 

Alison Leiby: Again. I’d still be asleep at the resort. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh, 100%. I’d be so fucking hung over. Seth’s like stewing on the boat while everyone goes down. [splashing sound effect] We see a couple surface, not our couple, and Linda calls back to them and the woman says, I can’t equalize my ears, so I can’t dive. I can’t I don’t know what that is. But basically the pressure on the ears is such that she can’t dive. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So Linda says, we’ll just come back up and you guys will be on the boat. Sorry about that. You guys could go come back tomorrow, you know. And she has to swim back and Junior notes on the clipboard. Three scratches, so three on board. So Seth and this couple, three on board underneath the initial 20. However, Seth then says to the woman, oh, if you’re not going to be able to dive, can I borrow your mask? And she says, Yeah, go ahead. I’m not going to go back in. But Linda says, Sir, you cannot go down without a buddy. And Seth basically bullies this woman’s husband, whose name is Brian, to go down with him. 

 

Alison Leiby: [laughs] What a nightmare. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. Otherwise Seth can’t dive. And Brian’s like, That’s fine. So they dive back in. Right.

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And he’s like, Thank you so much. There’s  a place in heaven, there’s a place in heaven for you two. And you too, Linda. and they dive down. However, as you could see, the passenger count is then immediately going to get fucked up because Junior, who was in the water before he got in, said there are three on board now. There’s one on board, which means there are two that there’s confusion around. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Right. And we see Dan—

 

Alison Leiby: I do have some more questions, but I’m going to see if they. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Okay. 

 

Alison Leiby: Because like wouldn’t just counting the oxygen tanks be the answer?

 

Halle Kiefer: Well, Alison. 

 

Alison Leiby: All right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You would think so. We see Daniel and Susan, they’re doing backflips. They’re watching beautiful fish. It does seem really magical if you’re into that. But I could never. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm hmm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And then eventually, one by one, everyone starts to surface about a half hour, Linda has them come up, checks the regulator, and then everyone gets in their seat. Everything’s right as rain. Alison unfortunately, Junior is in charge of the count, and Junior looks like he’s 20 years old. Right? So it’s like, you know, everyone’s should be like, if Junior rates it down, then Davis and Linda are checking, right? 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Junior writes Davis and Linda check then, you know, just to make sure that seems like the way to do it. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So he because he was in the water and didn’t see Seth and Brian get back in he’s tabulating based on the three slashes already on the board. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Which is off by say it with me, two, who will be our miscalculated two? Unfortunately, it is poor Susan and Daniel who are using their like underwater camera to photograph fish they’re having the time of their life. Alison. We see Seth and Brian get back on board and Junior counts them again and again they’re the double count. And at first I was like, How do people not recognize like the 20 is not that many, but I will say like 20 strangers, all of them were like wearing sunglasses and hats. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Or wearing masks like everyone—

 

Alison Leiby: Why wouldn’t you just do like a name roll call too. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Agreed. You should have to check it off. 

 

Alison Leiby: There should be like—

 

Halle Kiefer: I’m sure, I’m sure that’s what you have to do now.

 

Alison Leiby: Several. Like it’s like we’re counting the oxygen tank, we’re counting the people on board. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. 

 

Alison Leiby: And then we’re not leaving the area until, like, the manifest has been, like, completely—

 

Halle Kiefer: Re-read your name [both speaking] you raise your arm. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And we write it down. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Exactly. Everyone’s having a blast. So when Junior counts up to 20, he tells Captain Linda, We got everybody. And Alison with that, the boat pulls up its ladder and starts its engine and they drive off, leaving Susan and Daniel alone in the middle of the open ocean. I’ll ask you right now, Alison, what would you do? 

 

[voice over]: What would you do? 

 

Alison Leiby: I mean. Do they come up with the boat anywhere in sight? 

 

Halle Kiefer: No. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison, when they come up. 

 

Alison Leiby: They don’t even know what direction it went? 

 

Halle Kiefer: The boat’s entirely gone. 

 

Alison Leiby: And there’s no way to know what direction you’re face. Look, do they have compasses? I feel like having a compass. 

 

Halle Kiefer: They have their camera, and Daniel has a dive knife, and that’s it. We got no compass. We got no waterproof phone. We got no radio. [laughter] They’re just loose in the water. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: With their scuba equipment on. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But we do see, to your point, as the boat pulls away, we see the two slots where the tank should be. Count the air tanks. 

 

Alison Leiby: Like, I’m just like I’m upset by this, you know, excursion. 

 

Halle Kiefer: It’s just unnecessary. It’s an unnecessary mistake. And this is why I will say this to you listener, you have to be a loud, annoying bitch everywhere you go. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. Cause then people will—

 

Halle Kiefer: Not in a mean way, but in like a fun way. 

 

Alison Leiby: Where are you? Where’s that loud bitch? [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: Say what you will about Seth being a huge monster on the boat. People would remember if he wasn’t there. 

 

Alison Leiby: That’s true. 

 

Halle Kiefer: It’s like, Oh, my God, that annoying guy’s not here, he’s probably dead in the water. 

 

[AD BREAK]  

 

Halle Kiefer: Unfortunately, Susan and Daniel surface, the boat is totally gone and they see two boats in the distance and they’re like, Oh my God, it must be one of those. We must have drifted. Or maybe the current carried us. So Susan says, okay, like, let’s start swimming towards the boat. But he’s like, No, we should stay over this part of the coral reef when we dove there’s sort of a three pronged coral reef formation. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And it’s right below us, so we should just stay over it because that’s all they’ll be returning. Once they figure it out, they’ll figure it out. We’ll come back and we have to be over this part because this is the dive site—

 

Alison Leiby: Right, they won’t be able to find us. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Exactly. And Susan’s like, you know, a coral reef in the middle of the ocean but get lost on the way to my mother’s. It’s like, well, yeah, I wanted to I wanted to go to the coral reef. So they start waving their arms to flag down the other boats. But they’re they’re barely visible. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And also they’re at water level and they’re wearing like black wetsuits. So they’re not it’s not like they’re like in bright white or reflective things. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. Like, like a safety vest where you’re like, oh, that’s how you see a person because it’s orange and in the water. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Which you think maybe they should be doing. If you ask me, I don’t know.

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. You shouldn’t be allowed to dive in a black wetsuit. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. As they float there, they see a small airplane fly overhead, but again they wave, we can’t see them. And Susan puts her face in the water is like, I don’t see the coral formation. Can you show me? And they look, Dana looks down. It’s like, okay, it’s not below us now because we’re in our place because we’re drifting with the current. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So Susan’s freaking out. She’s like, Should we swim back there? He’s like, we could do whatever we want, but we’re in the ocean. The ocean is going to move us like we are in the current now. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, my God. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I didn’t think about that. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right, right. You can’t stay in place easily. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And Susan already is sort of like turning on Daniel, and it’s like, Well, what are we going to do? Like, as if it’s his fault or his responsibility. And I was like, Susan, you need to see, that you two are on team and that team is team, let’s not die out here. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, work together. You can get divorced when you get back if you survive. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, just then, the boat they were looking at starts it’s this engine. They think, oh, great, the boat will come back. It must be the right right boat. Alison, they wave. Their boat is a party boat and it goes. It just goes in the wrong direction. It doesn’t even see them. 

 

Alison Leiby: Are they screaming? 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. Yeah, but it’s too far away. And again, I feel like. I don’t know how sound travels over water. 

 

Alison Leiby: I don’t either. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But the people just can’t hear them. So just then so we see the scuba boat excursion, a scuba excursion boat land back on the dock. Everyone’s getting out. And then under the bench on the boat is a bag full of Susan and Daniel’s stuff. Nobody notices it. So even though they left their stuff there you know. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. It’s like. This is entirely like, sometimes I want to not victim blame, but like the people who end up in a bad situation are, you know, were careless at some point or something happened where it’s like it’s not their fault, but like their actions kind of like contributed to the scenario they’re in now. This is entirely on the people that run the scuba. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, absolutely. Just then also they see a shark’s fin. About 15 feet away. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Break the water. Susan freaks out, and Daniels like, Hey, don’t worry, they live out here. An hour ago, you were petting a shark, and she’s like, That was basically a big catfish and that was a kind of shark that is not like, I don’t know what it was, a carpet shark or something like that was a dangerous shark carpet. 

 

Alison Leiby: Carpet shark? [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: And that was that wasn’t an hour ago. That was two hours ago. Daniel, we’ve been out here alone for like an hour. Alison. Suddenly the shark surfaces no more than eight feet away and they both fucking freak out. 

 

Alison Leiby: Understandable. I don’t want to be that close to a, as as someone who recently went to an aquarium. Didn’t see any sharks, though. No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. So he says, Well, what do we do if it comes back? Do we splash? He is like, Well, the sharks are attracted, based on what I know from Shark Week and like taking diving lessons. Shark sharks are attracted to wounded fish, so just try to stay calm and not thrash around. Like it’s actually the thrashing that’s probably attracting them. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh the thrashing. 

 

Halle Kiefer: It’s it’s hard not to thrash. You know, Susan is panicking and they both put their masks on and look down and they play this very like wordless, like tonal singing. And we just see like shots of the waves and this like expansive ocean. And to me it was very effective because it is sort of like you were at the mercy of— 

 

Alison Leiby: Nature.

 

Halle Kiefer: The planet. Yeah. Like you are out here. It is bigger than you. We are but a speck, you know. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. I will say like TikTok has served me a few videos of, like, wild ocean stuff that’s like, not like people swimming around, but like, massive boats getting tossed around by. It’s like, you know, you see the ocean at the beach and you’re like ah yes, but like being out in the middle of, like, real ocean, ocean is so terrifying. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: It’s another planet. It feels like another planet. 

 

Halle Kiefer: We cut to them and they’re playing a movie game. And you could tell, like Daniel’s the one, trying to keep it light. But Susan can like she’s freaking out. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: She suddenly screams, Alison, something has either stung or bitten her ankle. And then Daniel screams, says, We’ve got to get the hell out of here. And they start swimming, and they’re basically swimming through a sea of jellyfish. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. Yeah. It’s like sharks are not the only thing. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Exactly. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oy. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And officially now, they’re totally displaced from the dive site because it’s like we have to move to not be stung by jellyfish over and over again. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. Oh my God, oh my God.

 

Halle Kiefer: And Susan says—

 

Alison Leiby: It’s so stressful.

 

Halle Kiefer: Susan’s like I have never heard of anything as fucked up as this. Like two people being left in the ocean. And Daniel says, Actually, according to the dive magazines I read, it’s actually more common than you think. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay, that’s awful. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And Susan says, Well, thanks for telling me before you asked me to get certified with you. I really appreciate it. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, that’s nice. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison, they see another boat in the distance again. They’re constantly doing the right thing. They take off their mask and they’re trying to like and cover it with water, trying to reflect the sun off of them. To try to create, like, a mirror effect. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay that’s. I couldn’t have figured that out. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I was like, these people are geniuses. Unfortunately, Alison, it is now, overcast. And the boat just trundles away. And I’ll say it here, I wrote in my notes. This sucks shit. [laughter] This is the worst. 

 

Alison Leiby: This does. This really sucks shit. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Finally, Susan says, What if they don’t know we’re missing? And Daniel, of course, is like, that’s not possible. We still have their tanks. Our bag is on board. We checked in. We paid for it. Like there weren’t that many people. Unfortunately, Susan can’t even reply because she says, Oh, my God, my Dramamine is wearing off. So apparently she’s seasick. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, Christ. Also, they should collect the money after. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. 

 

Alison Leiby: That way, you would definitely know if someone is missing.

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh that’s smart. See, we should be running scuba excursions. No, we shouldn’t. People would die. 

 

Alison Leiby: Everybody would die. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Daniel says you’re probably just dehydrated. Also, don’t drink the water. You didn’t drink the water, did you? Susan’s like I just drank a little bit and he’s like, No, but you’re joking. But please don’t. He’s like, I watch Shark Week and Disasters at Sea, and people basically people are driven to drink the water.

 

Alison Leiby: Right. Because you get so thirsty. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Like we know you can’t. But also you will be tempted. 

 

Alison Leiby: Especially when you’re like in it. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Girl. And so Susan gets more and more nauseous and she and Daniel decide to drop the weights out of her weight belt, which also the excursion gave them. He’s like, Well, they could charge us for if they want, but we’re fucking suing these people. So they drop the weights out. So it’s not like pulling on her abdomen and the water is getting colder, right? Because they’re like out there. Their body needs dissipating into the water. It’s the middle of the ocean. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So they put their gloves on. And Susan’s like, honestly, I think the saltwater might be helping my jellyfish sting. So that’s good. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, I guess there’s one. Some silver lining to being abandoned at sea. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And she’s, like, nauseous. And he’s like, Honestly, just lay back and I’ll stay. I’ll stay awake. Close your eyes if you need to relax. And like, just because you’re feeling sick, I will watch for the boat. And she says—

 

[clip of  Blanchard Ryan]: I have to pee. 

 

[clip of Daniel Travis]: Okay. 

 

[clip of  Blanchard Ryan]: At least we’ll be warm for a minute.

 

Halle Kiefer: And we see Susan sleeping at the time code 4:40 p.m.. So they’ve been out there for hours. She’s sunburned as hell. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, of course. There’s like, no protection. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison, we see a shark swim underneath her, and suddenly she’s jolted awake by the shark. She doesn’t know that cause she’s asleep, so it bumps into her. She jolts awake, but because she’s, like, disoriented, she doesn’t know what just happened. Alison, she looks over. Daniel’s gone. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Who will survive this movie? 

 

[voice over]: Who will survive. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, no one. No one’s going to survive this movie. I, I, I—

 

Halle Kiefer: It’s not looking good. 

 

Alison Leiby: I don’t know the story it’s based on. I would hope that that includes the people that run the scuba service. They should also die. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Right. They all die by suicide when they find out what they’ve done. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. I’m going to. Yeah, I’m going to guess they both don’t make it. 

 

[AD BREAK]

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison, she panics, but luckily she looks and she sees Daniel not too far away. He’d also dozed off and they started to drift apart, which is also terrifying. Well, it’s like. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Of course you’re going to fall asleep at some point, and then once you’re asleep, you will then separate—

 

Alison Leiby: Right. You need to link yourselves together somehow. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. So she swims to him. He swims back, he’s screaming. They swim back together and she says, Oh, my God, my other leg hurts now. And something is tapping on it. Alison, She’s been bitten by the shark that woke her up. A little bite, but it’s still there. And now she’s bleeding— 

 

Alison Leiby: And now she’s bleeding. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —into the water. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And the little little fish are nibbling on her flesh and blood. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, my God. The ocean is full of horrors. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And Susan, as you would vomits into the water in response to that. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, I would just start throwing up everywhere. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. And of course, Susan’s like, it was a shark bit me, and he’s like, No, no, it was just a barracuda. She’s like, Bitch, it was a shark. 

 

Alison Leiby: Also, like, it’s. I don’t care if it’s a barracuda or if it’s a shark. It bit me, so we’re in danger. 

 

Halle Kiefer: He says, Oh, no, it couldn’t be a shark. If it was a shark, your leg would be gone. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay, that’s not—

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison. 

 

Alison Leiby: —helping. 

 

Halle Kiefer: She still feels the tapping as the fish start to eat her flesh. And Daniel says, Just try not to focus on it, because, yeah, there’s nothing you could do about it—

 

Alison Leiby: I mean there is nothing.

 

Halle Kiefer: —to wrap your leg. Yeah. Daniel suddenly has a leg cramp, but he can’t even focus on that because a shark surfaces five feet away. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm mm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And Susan’s panicking, like what kind are they. And Daniel says it doesn’t matter. They’re the big kind. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. Oh God.

 

Halle Kiefer: And, Daniel puts his, there’s all these, like, great shots of like him putting it like one of them will put their head down and then you see the shark underneath them. So again, the surface seems fine. And you look down, there’s a shark right fucking there. Literally, its face is looking at them. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Because it smells the blood now.

 

Alison Leiby: Of course, and the vomit. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And so they start. Exactly. Oh sharks love blood and vomit. 

 

Alison Leiby: I imagine that they’re like—

 

Halle Kiefer: The combination. 

 

Alison Leiby: —dogs in that way where they’re like, are you going to eat that? 

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh, you guys, you guys gonna eat that? By that I mean you? [laughs] So they start freaking out and they hold on to each other, so they don’t thrash around. And Susan keeps asking, are they gone? Are they gone? It’s like even if they were gone, now you’re in the ocean, they’re going to come back. Or other [both speaking] or other sharks. Yeah. They’re also completely fucking sunburnt, of course. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, my God. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Finally, Daniel. Who’s the one trying to keep it light while Susan loses it, he just starts screaming—

 

[clip of Daniel Travis]: Un-fucking believable. And the best part is that we pay to be out here. We paid those incompetent fuckers to drop us out in the middle of the fucking ocean. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, yeah, Remember that when you’re scuba-ing. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And then, of course, because they’re the only ones who can get mad at each other Susan, and Daniel get into a big fight. And she’s like, Stop yelling. You’re not the only one out here. He’s like, Wait a minute. Are you telling me that you’re mad at me? Are you blaming me for this? And she’s like, I’m not blaming you, I just want to talk about it. He’s like, How could you blame me? You agreed to go on this. Like, I love how long we’ve been out here for hours in the ocean and suddenly it’s my fault. She’s like, Let’s just drop it. And I will say, this is my idea of hell, not only are you stranded in the middle of the ocean, but your girlfriend’s also mad at you. You know what I mean?

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, yeah. Being in a couple fight. Yeah.

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. And she’s like, this is your fault. Basically, she’s saying, like, basically, like the reason we’re out here is that we came up too late and they left without us. He’s like, That doesn’t make any sense. You know, they wouldn’t have done that. She’s like, Well, look where we are. And they’re yelling at each other. It’s like you refuse to swim with everybody else. We had to go off and, like, have our own adventure. You always want to do something different. He’s like, Oh, well, if we’re blaming each other. The reason that we’re here is because of you. Because apparently they have like a really nice vacation somewhere else planned and because of your job. We had to change the dates. We had to come here, which again, is like that has nothing to do with anything. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. Now we’re just kind of nit picking. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Exactly. And then Susan goes. I wanted to go skiing and they both fall silent. And we see Susan is just sobbing as we see sharks circle underneath them Alison.

 

Alison Leiby: Alison I mean, honestly, at least like a fight would distract me from my abject terror at what is about to happen to me. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Exactly. 

 

Alison Leiby: Like, at least you can be like screaming, petty vacation planning nonsense at somebody. And briefly forget that, like, something’s eating your leg. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, a barge goes by and they try to wave. It’s too far away. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And they cling to each other as the sun beats down and Susan looks up and there are birds circling overhead. Even the birds know. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Timestamp 6:45 p.m.. 

 

Alison Leiby: It’s getting dark. 

 

Halle Kiefer: They see a buoy come into view and Daniel’s like, I can’t believe how far we’ve drifted. Like there’s literally we have no idea how far we’ve moved over the course of the day. So they decide like we’re going to swim to the buoy because like at least it’s something like, I don’t know, we’ll just. A buoy for what? You know, in the middle the ocean. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right, I mean. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Like maybe there’s some sort of radio on it? Or I don’t know.

 

Alison Leiby: At least they could like, hang on to it. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Unfortunately Alison, we see the sharks are trailing Susan and Daniel.

 

Alison Leiby: Obviously they’re—

 

Halle Kiefer: As they make their way because they’re bleeding— 

 

Alison Leiby: Going to dinner. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And Susan tells Daniel, Daniel, I’m sorry, I love you and they make up. So at least we have that. And Danielle and Daniel very optimistically says we’re going to have a story we can tell the rest of our lives. And then Susan goes, Oh my God, Daniel, look. And she reaches into her pocket. She has a fistful of hard candy that was in her suit. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. That’s something. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And apparently she uses it because which I didn’t think about it’s like her mouth gets really dry because you have the. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Regulator in your mouth. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So she puts a piece of hard candy to, like, create saliva. And they both have one. They’re like, Oh, God, that’s good. Hell, yeah. But their pleasure is short lived because the sharks decide to make a move on Daniel. They bump into him and bite his leg. And of course, in the shock drops his dive knife out of his hand. Don’t just hold your knife. Keep it in the holster. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. Until you’re really using it. Yeah. Oh my—

 

Halle Kiefer: And he starts screaming. It bit me, It bit me. And we see from above the billow of blood just filling the water around them. So now all the sharks in a fucking five mile—

 

Alison Leiby: Just an open bar invitation to sharks. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And Susan steps on him, tells them, I’m going to look at your leg. We’ll figure it out. She looks and it’s a huge gash that’s bleeding. They, of course, also drop their camera, which a shark snaps up. And Susan tells him, I’m going to time my weight belt around your leg to stop the bleeding, dives down and ties it off and Daniel starts shaking in pain because it’s a horrible bite. Right. But Susan grabs him and now she has to be the strong one. Says they’re going to you’re going to be okay just in time for nightfall. The best time to be eaten by sharks. And we see back on land everywhere, the resorts, oh they’re drinking, they’re dancing. And they’re having fun. Just party city, party, city, Australia. And now it’s 11:30 p.m.. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, my God. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And in the distance. 

 

Alison Leiby: I mean, ugh. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison, we see the lightning flash. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And a storm starts rolling in. 

 

Alison Leiby: Not a storm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And we see we hear Daniel, like, shuddering like he’s shutting down. They’re floating in the middle of the night. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: In the middle of a storm surrounded by sharks. 

 

Alison Leiby: Surrounded by sharks, both injured. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And, Daniel, it seems like perhaps is bleeding out. And he sobs, Oh, God, it hurts. And Susan says, There’s something rubbing across my foot. And we see the sharks are basically right under them. And all Susan could do is hold him and be like, I love you. I love you. Please hold on, Daniel, please hold on. It’s like, girl, that’s not how it works. And Daniel screams as a shark bites his leg again. Alison the storm rolls in as they are sobbing in the dark, being attacked by sharks in cold water with only lightning to illuminate them. We see dawn break over the resort. And again, the pool’s looking nice. There’s morning doves gathering to eat whatever they want to eat, I’m not some kind of bird expert. 

 

Alison Leiby: Sticks? 

 

Halle Kiefer: Eating sticks. And we see the diving boat get ready. We see Davis arrive to prep the boat for the next trip out. And only then does he see Daniel and Susan’s bag underneath the bench. Alison, he opens it, opens it and finds their dive certification cards, which has their photos on it and their information. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And only then does he realize, Oh, fuck, these fuckers never made it back with us. And he runs off the boat, presumably to alert the ocean authorities. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, my God. 

 

Halle Kiefer: The resort manager immediately goes to the room to check all their shit’s there, they’re not there. 

 

Alison Leiby: Of course they’re not there. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And to this resort’s credit, they call the fucking Australian Coast Guard. 

 

Alison Leiby: Thank you. I mean, somebody is doing something right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And so we see like there’s a helicopter, there’s an aquatic plane and five search boats are sent out. Right. So like, they’re they’re. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm hmm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: They are trying their best. We see Susan is in the water still alive, but she has like a thousand yard stare and she’s just sort of cradling Daniel’s corpse. 

 

Alison Leiby: Which do you think is worse to go first or second? 

 

Halle Kiefer: I would say first because then I would feel bad leaving the other person there. [laughs] 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. And like, they could still like. You know what? If they survive and then it’s like you died. Like. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I would just feel bad for the person. I would feel worse for the person who survived. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So that makes me feel like I would rather be the one to live so that my partner doesn’t have to deal with this. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But also that’s a conversation that every couple has to have, you know what I mean? 

 

Alison Leiby: That’s true. Especially if you like, scuba diving. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. And Susan has this thousand yard stare, obviously cause what else do you do. And she kisses his dead face and she cradles him, and then she takes off his tank and lets him go. And his body is pretty much immediately pulled of the water by sharks. And we see the search effort. But, Alison, at this point, Susan and Daniel have been drifting for nearly 24 hours. So it’s like, how the fuck do you even know where they are? At least you look at the currents, right? 

 

Alison Leiby: But you don’t know how far two people could travel. And they certainly were swimming around a little bit at one point. So it’s like—

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. And there’s like this excellent shot of like Susan staring in the water again, totally out of it. And then like, the camera dips below and we see there’s like at least 12 sharks. 

 

Alison Leiby: Of course. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Underneath. And as we watch, she takes off her life vest and her tank, she pulls off her mask and she holds her nose and she dips below the water and she never comes back up. And over the credits, we see a boat arrive in a marina carrying a dead shark and they, they start filleting it. And they open up the stomach. And inside is Susan’s camera. And we hear one of the fishermen says, Wow, I wonder if it still works. The end. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oof. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I just want to tell us a little bit of the The Real Story is about Tom and Eileen Lonergan who unfortunately this literally happened to. It’s also happened in the Coral Sea off of Australia in 1998. It was a similar thing. They were on a scuba diving excursion. Alison. Their absences were not noted by the boat crew until two days later. 

 

Alison Leiby: I mean, that has to have shut down that enterprise. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I have to assume. Not, not, not one shred of there of a possession. No camera, nothing has ever been, they’ve been presumed dead. But they’ve never been even looked have been able to find any shred of them. 

 

Alison Leiby: I mean, how could you like. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: They’re at the bottom of the ocean. 

 

Halle Kiefer: It was funny because because people are insane. Like I guess after they disappeared, like some people were suggesting they, like, had faked their own disappearance or something. But the skipper was eventually charged. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: With an unlawful killing and he was found not guilty. But he did plead guilty to negligence. And the whole, like you said, the whole enterprise, which is called Outer Edge Dive, had to fold. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, I mean, you can’t. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. 

 

Alison Leiby: Do that. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Though I do have to imagine that it is not. That’s probably not the only instance of this happening. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Absolutely. 

 

Alison Leiby: Like maybe some of some people are you know, it’s recognized much sooner and they can go back and find people. But like, I got to imagine, this happens. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And it led to, according to Wikipedia, at least, Queensland government introducing a stiffer regulations, including, like you said, the requirement that captains and dive masters independently confirm passenger headcounts. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, like you just like even if you’re like, I know who’s like, you just need. At least a second set of eyes and like a real recor– It can’t just be like tick marks on a paper. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison, What are some fatal mistakes people have made in the movie, Open Water. 

 

[voice over]: [music plays] Fatal mistakes. 

 

Alison Leiby: Scuba diving. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. First, first and most prominent mistake. 

 

Alison Leiby: It’s the big one. Scuba diving. I mean, once they came up and there was nothing there. I mean. What could they do? 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, that’s the question. 

 

Alison Leiby: I don’t know that there’s anything that they were doing that like. That they could have done something else, like, I guess like maybe swim towards boats? I don’t know. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: But, like, they’re so far away and you’ve got a scuba tank. Like, it’s not. Easy. I don’t know. Just scuba diving. Scuba diving, I think is the biggest fatal mistake. And then, of course, many, many a mistake aboard that boat. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: That led to their death. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, I. It’s not so much the mistakes they made it’s the mistakes everyone else made. You know what I mean? 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes, exactly. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And that is a tough nut to crack, to know that you were at the whims in the wilds of not simply nature, but of—

 

Alison Leiby: Of like a 20 year old.

 

Halle Kiefer: Some 20 year old that was hired probably doesn’t even make minimum. 

 

Alison Leiby: Wage job. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And just nobody double checked. And, you know, I guess this is why we have to have these kinds of regulations or else just ain’t nobody checking. You know?

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: And then. Where would you place Open Water on the spooky scale, Alison? 

 

[voice over]: A spooky scale. 

 

Alison Leiby: This is an eight. Like this is solidly an eight. This is so scary. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: And, like, it’s all real. This. If you scuba dive, this could happen. And then it’s like, again, I think it’s the relentlessness of, like, there’s no break. There’s no moment, there’s no hope. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Exactly. 

 

Alison Leiby: It’s just a march toward a watery death. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. I think that this really speaks to so many. Like, to me, it’s like there are a lot of things we do that’s that are scary or gory or upsetting. But there is something that was so viscerally scary about this, and I guess it is just sort of like as a human being displaced from any sort of control. And I don’t know it fucking rattled me man. I just was, you know, I’m going to give it an eight, too. I’m going to give it as well. 

 

Alison Leiby: It’s a real eight. That’s for sure. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. Well, everybody, I hope you enjoyed this. We are going to, of course, keep trying to make, my goal is eight and higher the whole month. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, I think we could get there. I think there’s lots of scary movies out there that I’m going to not like. [laughter] 

 

Halle Kiefer: Great. I’m so glad. Thank you, everyone, for joining us. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And we will see you next week. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Until then, please double check the head count on your scuba excursion. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. Do a roll call. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And keep it spooky. 

 

Alison Leiby: And keep it spooky. Bye. Don’t forget to follow us at Ruined podcasts and Crooked Media for show updates. And if you’re as opinionated as we are, consider dropping us a review. Ruined is a Radio Point and Crooked Media production, we’re your writers and hosts Halle Kiefer and Alison Leiby. The show is executive produced by Alex Bach, Sabrina Fonfeder and Houston Snyder, and recorded and edited by Kat Iossa. From Crooked Media our executive producer is Kendra James with production and promotional support from Ari Schwartz, Kyle Seglin, Julia Beach, Caroline Dunphy, and Ewa Okulate. 

 

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