Lord Jon Lovett Enters the Chat | Crooked Media
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December 01, 2022
Dare We Say
Lord Jon Lovett Enters the Chat

In This Episode

Jon Lovett puts on his Gen Z skirt and helps Josie, Alycia, and Yasmine draft the most problematic, chaotic and perfect U.S. government. Like, don’t you want Kris Jenner, Olivia Wilde, Christian Walker, and Snooki leading our country? Also in this episode: Alycia’s mom thinks her daughter died, and country music is the girlies’ guilty pleasure.






Josie Totah: Hello, you guys. 


Yasmine Hamady: Hi. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Hi. 


Josie Totah: Alycia. Your hair looks incredible. 


Yasmine Hamady: It’s so good. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Oh, my gosh. Thank you. Shout out to [?].


Josie Totah: Um. Just.


Yasmine Hamady: No. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: She [tongue click] snatched. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. Her hair is in a tight pony. 


Josie Totah: I want to welcome everybody into our ceremony today. Come on in. Take your shoes off. Put on a blanket. Um. I’m Josie. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I’m Alycia. 


Yasmine Hamady: And I’m Yasmine. And this is, Dare We Say. 


Josie Totah: Yeah, it is. 


Yasmine Hamady: Hi, everyone. 


Josie Totah: Uh. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yay! 


Josie Totah: Alycia, how was your event last night? You looked beautiful at it. And where were you and what were you doing? Also, can we talk about the fact that your mom was convinced you were literally, like kidnapped off the freeway? 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. 


Josie Totah: And– 


Yasmine Hamady: I’m dying at that. 


Josie Totah: Like– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Oh, my gosh, wait are we going to talk about–


Josie Totah: Yes. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: –this? 


Josie Totah: Can we talk about it? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Because the way–


Josie Totah: Break, break it down to us. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yes go on.


Josie Totah: Because your mother put out an Amber Alert yesterday. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: My mother called so many individuals, I had no service in this venue. I was at the Latino celebration that the Critics Association was holding. It was only the second one that they’ve ever had. 


Josie Totah: Yeah you were. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: So it was very new, but it was super special. I had never seen that many Afro-Latinos on a stage. Gina Torres got their flowers, um Ismael got their flowers. But just it was really beautiful. 


Josie Totah: That won awards? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yes, they were all honored. 


Josie Totah: Did you have fun? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Jenna Ortega was honored. 


Josie Totah: Okay. So I’m confused. What did your phone die or something? Why was your mom convinced you were not alive? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Okay. My mom was convinced that I had fallen off the face of the earth or either I was kidnapped because we were on the phone together as I was driving myself through the venue and fun fact about me. I have only had my license for less than six months, so I was driving through– 


Yasmine Hamady: This is true. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I was driving through the hills and like getting to this venue on the other side of town. And all she heard was, oh shit. And then I lost service. So she– 


Yasmine Hamady: Oh, God. Well, of course, Alycia. Alycia, she’s going to think that you got kidnapped by a bunch of– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: But wasn’t that random she called everybody and their mother. 


Josie Totah: Yeah, she really did. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Everybody and their mother. Did she call you Jos? 


Josie Totah: No. You know what’s funny? She didn’t call me. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Well, it’s also because you’re in Scotland babe.


Josie Totah: But I also I just feel like– 


Yasmine Hamady: No but can I just say your mother didn’t call me? 


Josie Totah: I feel like your mom knows that I would have been like, she’s perfectly fine. And if you were, like, robbing a bank, I would be like, yeah– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: You know what? 


Josie Totah: She’s, she’s [?]. Just kidding Cami, you can call me anytime.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: She’s a ride or die. But yes, I’m here and alive. And I had a wonderful time last night with my beautiful friend Jaylen. 


Josie Totah: Um. I love that. I’m very proud of you. And you looked fucking incredible. You look incredible. 


Yasmine Hamady: She looked so good. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: You’re too nice. But how are you chicas?


Josie Totah: You guys, I, um. I’ve been doing some dirty something in, like, new for me recently. 


Yasmine Hamady: Go on. 


Josie Totah: And I texted Yasmine about it. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. 


Josie Totah: Okay. The other day I was at the mall and I found myself listening to dare I say– 


Yasmine Hamady: Yup. 


Josie Totah: –country music. [banter] And not just any country music, but old, old old Taylor Swift. Um. But anyway, so I just wanted to share I’m kind of in a cunt tree zone. 


Yasmine Hamady: It’s cunting season. 


Josie Totah: Thoughts, comments, concerns? 


Yasmine Hamady: It’s listen, I just want to say this. There’s something about country music that it’s like, yes, your wife left you? Yes. Your dog died. Yes. There’s beyond the beer on the floor. Yes. You’re fishing and there’s crawfish. I get it. But the country is more than that. I do believe that. And then also something interesting happened. 


Josie Totah: What? 


Yasmine Hamady: While I’ve been in the car with Alycia as of late– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: How dare you. 


Yasmine Hamady: Late night car rides, no, Alycia. I’ll say what I have to say. She’s like, hey, do you mind if I just put on a song and I’m like, okay, she’s going to put on Lauryn Hill, she’s going to put on uh, I don’t know, Miguel or something. And she goes–


Josie Totah: Racist. 


Yasmine Hamady: And puts on the story of us by Taylor Swift. 


Josie Totah: Wait, Alycia. 


Yasmine Hamady: Not Days of our Lives. It’s not a soap opera. 


Josie Totah: Alcyia, why did you put that on? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Listen. 


Josie Totah: Wait. You’ve been listening to to Taylor too? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Listen! 


Josie Totah: Is that cause– is that because of me? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: No. 


Yasmine Hamady: Bitch it’s it’s because of me. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: The most Leo shit–


Yasmine Hamady: If it’s Taylor it’s lit– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: –I’ve ever heard in my life. It’s not because of either of you bitches. Listen. 


Yasmine Hamady: That was very humbling. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Good. I’m glad. No mira. Listen. 


Josie Totah: Who is it because? And why is it because of them? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: It’s not because of anyone, guys, but here’s here’s the tea, and I do not talk about this. I really don’t. But my time in Dallas, Texas, did leave– 


Yasmine Hamady: Oh, God. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: –A little imprint on me. And that was country music. I do have a playlist on my phone. I never play it for other people. 


Yasmine Hamady: Show it. Show it to the camera. Prove it. 


Josie Totah: I have a playlist and it’s called Cunt Tree. 


Yasmine Hamady: As it should be. 


Josie Totah: And that’s not a joke. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Is it actually called that? 


Josie Totah: Swear to God. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: You should, you should–


Yasmine Hamady: Everyone show it. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: –like coin that. 


Yasmine Hamady: Everyone show your shit. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: The playlist is called Southern Belle. 


Josie Totah: Eew.


Yasmine Hamady: So you guys know damn well Alycia, I’m not going to lie to you. That makes me what that that– [banter]


Alycia Pascual-Peña: No, it’s okay, guys. Wait, wait. Let me. Let me speak my peace. 


Yasmine Hamady: I love how Luke Bryan is right up in front. You know damn well [?], if you want to call me, call me. Call me. [starts singing]


Josie Totah: It’s, no it’s actually. 


Yasmine Hamady: You won’t have to worry. [singing]


Josie Totah: It’s actually. Play it again. Play it again. [starts singing]


Yasmine Hamady: Oh, that is so fucking good. No, sorry. Jason Aldean. His wife’s a fucking transphobe. And his wife, like, actually can go [?] herself. But–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Oh. 


Yasmine Hamady: –I’ll speak to that matter, I don’t care.


Josie Totah: Wait really, is Jason Aldean a transphobe? We’ll find out? 


Yasmine Hamady: He voted for trump, but he sorry, Night Train is one of my favorite songs of all time. He’s like, [starts singing] you don’t want no four wheel road. That’s fine, nobody knows. We parked the truck and we take it a [?]. And I’m every time I’m like, I want to be on a train with a, like a handsome man and I want to go and like, just travel around the US eating crawfish with him. 


Josie Totah: Eew. 


Yasmine Hamady: I think I’ll log off today. Thank you guys so much for having me on this episode. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I’m glad that that will now be in recorded history forever. But no, I’m I’m very embarrassed by my Southern Belle playlist. But let me tell you something. 


Yasmine Hamady: Mmm. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Country is white Southern people’s R&B. 


Yasmine Hamady: Ohh. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: And that’s why I think I can get into it. 


Josie Totah: Hot take. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Like, come on, let’s talk about it. I don’t think that we talk about this enough. Y’all talking about heartbreak. Y’all talking about your man leaving you. Like–


Yasmine Hamady: Shit. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: It is R&B for the South. And let me tell you something. Sometimes I would hear some bops on the radio and I’m like, I can get down to this like– 


Josie Totah: [indistinct] 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: And I’m going to be honest, [Josie singing in background] I can’t listen to country all the time um because sometimes I feel like I’m being yodeled at, which I do not enjoy. [yodeling sound] But sometimes I’m like, [laughter] you’re talking your shit. Like, you know that R&B song. Of course you guys know it because you’re amazing. But, you know like, Love never knew what I was–


Josie Totah: Keyshia Cole. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Like, there’s country versions of that. You feel me. 


Yasmine Hamady: I’m sorry. Are you? I’m sorry. You’re not comparing Love by Keyshia Cole to– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Oh, it could never. Baby, baby, baby, baby. 


Yasmine Hamady: I just wanted to confirm we’re on the same well here’s the thing there’s– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: No country song could ever touch that. 


Yasmine Hamady: 100%. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: But it said reminiscent of that. Like–


Yasmine Hamady: Sure. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: –I want to see a white girl crying over her guitar next to the ponds. 


Yasmine Hamady: Okay. But okay. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Um. 


Yasmine Hamady: If there’s one thing about country music, it’s that country I always feel like I associate country music and like yodels and like beer and Coors Light with Republicans. 


Josie Totah: Mm hmm. 


Yasmine Hamady: And like, the right. I know that’s a really weird thing to like–


Josie Totah: Maybe we need to take it back. 


Yasmine Hamady: Okay to what? 


Josie Totah: [laughing] No, no. Like–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: She means like reclaim it. 


Josie Totah: –like reclaim it. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Like Maxine Waters reclaiming her time. She said we need country. 


Yasmine Hamady: Me being like I actually thought that went really well Josie. 


Josie Totah: No that went really well. 


Yasmine Hamady: I actually think went really well. 


Josie Totah: No I think it did go well.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: That was funny. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yasmine, what do we got what do we got going on today? 


Yasmine Hamady: So today we’re playing a little kooky crazy for Cocoa Puffs game where we are going to be having a list of unhinged, chaotic, cursed celebrities and we’re going to put them in different White House positions, which sounds like a normal U.S. election, I fear. And we’re doing it with one of the Crooked Media’s founding fathers, Jon Lovett. Stay tuned. We’ll be right back. 


Josie Totah: Stay tuned. [music break] Hola. Don’t forget to follow us at @darewesay on Instagram and subscribe to our YouTube channel at YouTube.com/Darewesay. Be right back. [music break]


Yasmine Hamady: Okay. Well, today we’re doing something a little different than what we’ve been usually doing. We’re not going to talk about, you know, me being unhinged, Josie in Scottsdale, Scotland and Alycia in just live, laughing and loving. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yup no [?].


Yasmine Hamady: We’re actually going to play a little game today and we want to see who can we choose to run this godforsaken country if we had any opportunity. So we’re playing a game where our producers put a list of people out that are beyond unhinged. Cursed might even argue, and some honestly, are a waste of space on this earth, one might say. And we’re going to have them lead our beautiful United States of America. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: But before we get into it, I would like to take a second to introduce our guest who’s going to help us out. You probably know him you know from his tiny little show, not a big deal called Pod Save America. [cheers] Or his own show, which Yas and I had the opportunity of being on and him embarassing us and–


Yasmine Hamady: Yup. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Uh us embarrassing him it was– 


Jon Lovett: Sure. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: –really great. Called Lovett or Leave It. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah! 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: And uh are you excited to play this game with us? 


Jon Lovett: You haven’t actually introduced me. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Oh, shit. Yeah. [laughter] Please welcome Jon Lovett. 


Jon Lovett: Hi. [cheers] Hello.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yay. 


Yasmine Hamady: Hi. 


Josie Totah: Hi. 


Jon Lovett: So good to be here. Thank you for having me. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Do you love how chaotic–


Josie Totah: Our–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: –that intro was? 


Josie Totah: Our our Lord Lovett.


Jon Lovett: Okay. Okay.


Yasmine Hamady: Lord Lovette. 


Josie Totah: How are– 


Yasmine Hamady: But with an E at the end. Lord. [starts singing indistinct] 


Josie Totah: How are you doing? Are– [Yasmine stops singing] You’re you’re kind of like a royalty to us in–


Jon Lovett: Uh huh. 


Josie Totah: –in the Crooked world. 


Jon Lovett: Sure. 


Josie Totah: How are you doing? 


Jon Lovett: I’m great. You know, look, here we are. 


Yasmine Hamady: Okay. 


Jon Lovett: After an election. 


Yasmine Hamady: Mmm. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Ugh. 


Jon Lovett: Where we thought we were all going to get, you know [pause] crushed. 


Josie Totah: A red wave. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: [indistinct]


Josie Totah: It was a lavender haze. 


Jon Lovett: Hey. Hey. 


Yasmine Hamady: Taylor Swift. 


Jon Lovett: Oh I, I know it from a book of poetry written by an anonymous person. Um. So that’s where I know it from. That was horrifying.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: We’re happy to have you. [banter]


Jon Lovett: I’m happy to be here.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: How do you feel? 


Josie Totah: Okay so– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: You feel like you’re going to know everyone on the list? 


Jon Lovett: Oh, so that I would. Look, I’m– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Because I’m thinking no babe. 


Jon Lovett: I. [laughs] There’s a few names on here that I was, I wanted to have some sort of a safe word. 


Yasmine Hamady: Sure. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Okay. Um.


Jon Lovett: When I don’t know anyone on the list. 


Yasmine Hamady: Okay. 


Jon Lovett: Um. 


Yasmine Hamady: What do you want it to be? 


Jon Lovett: Uh um. 


Yasmine Hamady: Because I think that’s fair. 


Jon Lovett: I don’t know. I’m trying to think of something that a person that I would know that you wouldn’t know– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Okay. 


Yasmine Hamady: Okay. 


Jon Lovett: Um. Which would be someone who was famous before, say, 1996. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: And not famous after. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah, we weren’t even here yet.


Yasmine Hamady: Boy George. 


Jon Lovett: Oh god. 


Josie Totah: Right. 


Jon Lovett: So Boy George.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: It’s giving ’99, 2000, right? Josie. What year are you again?


Josie Totah: See, I’m 2001. This will be a–


Jon Lovett: Wow. 


Josie Totah: –fun game for us to play because it’s, you know, it’s a mix of generations, it’s the different cultures. 


Jon Lovett: Yeah. 


Josie Totah: My dear old friend– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: It’s a big gap here. 


Josie Totah: –emphasis, emphasis on old, Whitney Cummings and I used to play a game like this where we would just go back and forth with with names. And um I didn’t know half of them. So let’s get into it. Let’s talk about these people and then we’ll put them into uh positions. Uh. The positions are like president, vice president, um speaker of the House. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Josie Totah: Some Chief justice. 


Jon Lovett: Sure. 


Josie Totah: Secretary of state. You know, all the all the good positions and why we think they need to be there. And also, if you even know these people and if we can educate you on, on their importance–


Jon Lovett: Oh the, yeah. 


Josie Totah: –in our culture. 


Jon Lovett: Okay. Okay. Yes. Um. 


Josie Totah: Okay. 


Jon Lovett: Well, let’s do that. 


Josie Totah: Amazing. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Okay. 


Josie Totah: So first up, we have Tricia Paytas. 


Yasmine Hamady: Please tell me you know who that is. 


Jon Lovett: So, okay, I’ve seen this name floating around [laughter] and I uh–


Yasmine Hamady: Like, this is an alive person. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Like you know it’s a [?] person. 


Jon Lovett: Yeah, I know. I know they’re around. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: But do you know what they do? 


Jon Lovett: [pause] I don’t know what they do. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Wow. 


Yasmine Hamady: And that’s okay. That’s fair though. 


Jon Lovett: And I don’t know what they do. I know they’ve been in some sort of controversy. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Josie Totah: Love it that we’re using the they pronoun because this person famously came out as a trans man despite being a presenting woman who is married to a man. Um. But she basically made the ranks in life by going on reality competition shows such as America’s Got Talent and then like doing a stint on Ellen where she said her trick was just that she talked really, really fast and then she like, performed and like talked like an average person. She just like made her way up the ranks and now is like kind of known for trolling her own self and for being–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Josie Totah: –Like a very cancelable person. Some days she’s Jewish, some days she’s Muslim. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: Okay, so let me what um what skills does this person have? What did they bring to the table? [banter]


Yasmine Hamady: I was going to say, there’s one thing about Tricia that they are that this person is entertaining. 


Josie Totah: Mm hmm. 


Yasmine Hamady: That’s it, call it what you will. Tricia Paytas is fucking entertaining. 


Josie Totah: I feel like Tricia Paytas would be a really good press secretary because she can dodge just about anything. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Mmm. 


Josie Totah: Because I feel like people have come for her because at one point she said I think it was like she denied being Ukrainian and then like did multiple TikToks about being Ukranian. 


Jon Lovett: I remember that. That I know who this. 


Yasmine Hamady: Okay. Yes. Yes.


Jon Lovett: I know who this is. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Oh you do? Okay [?] 


Josie Totah: Okay. 


Yasmine Hamady: Incredible. 


Jon Lovett: I know who this is. I’ve seen them.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: A lightbulb went on. 


Jon Lovett: I’ve seen them talking. I’ve seen I’ve, here’s what I’ve seen of this person. I do not know. 


Josie Totah: Yes. 


Jon Lovett: I have seen other people editing together uh moments where they’ve claimed to be like a half dozen ethnicities. 


Yasmine Hamady: Correct.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yes. 


Josie Totah: Yes. 


Yasmine Hamady: Correct. [banter]


Jon Lovett: Do they have a–


Josie Totah: This is this is that person.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Like African-American like everything. 


Jon Lovett: Has this person brought a child into the world? 


Yasmine Hamady: Yes they just did. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yes, they are– 


Jon Lovett: That– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: –A mom.


Yasmine Hamady: When the Queen died. And everyone was like–


Josie Totah: Malibu Barbie. 


Jon Lovett: That’s right. 


Josie Totah: The child’s named–


Yasmine Hamady: And then the queen died. 


Jon Lovett: That’s right. [clapping]


Yasmine Hamady: And they were like I just was this person gave birth to the reincarnation of Queen Elizabeth. 


Jon Lovett: I remember this. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: That’s what that’s when they first came onto my radar. 


Yasmine Hamady: Correct. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Okay okay. So pretty recently.


Jon Lovett: That’s when I first heard the the boop, boop, boop. That’s when I first- 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. [laugh]


Jon Lovett: –They first appeared and I said, Oh, there they are moving across the sky. It’s Tricia Paytas. [banter]


Josie Totah: The child’s name is– 


Yasmine Hamady: So I think–


Josie Totah: –Malibu Barbie. 


Yasmine Hamady: So shall we all– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I kind of like her as– 


Yasmine Hamady: -agree? 


Jon Lovett: I like it.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: –secretary. 


Jon Lovett: That’s. It’s good. 


Yasmine Hamady: Josie? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: I think it’s good. 


Yasmine Hamady: Do we agree? 


Josie Totah: Yeah. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Josie Totah: Yeah. 


Yasmine Hamady: Incredible. 


Josie Totah: 100%. The next is M.I.A. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Ugh. [sigh]


Yasmine Hamady: Okay Jon has something to say I feel. 


Jon Lovett: Uh. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: You know who this is? For you have something–


Jon Lovett: I I, I do. And I would just say that I know where we’re going to head. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Oh. 


Jon Lovett: We’re going to head to some sort of health position to be controversial. I remember that what they said, they put two things together that did not belong together. And they entered a conversation they didn’t need to by saying, if we’re going to cancel this person, when are we going to cancel the vaccines? It was something of that nature. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: Right? 


Josie Totah: Wait when. When when did this start? So MIA as an artist, is it bad girls, bad girls live fast die young bad girls do it well. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Live fast die young bad girls do it well. 


Josie Totah: So when did– 


Jon Lovett: Your song is lit–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Nicki standpoint on it. 


Jon Lovett: Your song is Live Fast, Die Young– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Bad girls do it well. 


Jon Lovett: Kind of checks out. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. Shit. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: My chain hits my chest– 


Josie Totah: That is the truth. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: When I’m banging in a–


Josie Totah: Let’s put her as– should we put her aside–


Jon Lovett: Yeah. 


Josie Totah: –by now? [banter] 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Put her aside. 


Josie Totah: Do you have an id– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I am low key thinking–


Josie Totah: Or Lovett, do you have an idea of where she should be? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Maybe Treasury? 


Yasmine Hamady: I think we wait. I think we wait and we– 


Jon Lovett: We can do better. 


Yasmine Hamady: –hold on. I agree with that.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: We can do better? 


Yasmine Hamady: Yes. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I respect that.


Yasmine Hamady: Okay. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Continue. 


Josie Totah: All right. Next, we have Sir Andrew Tate. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Ugh. 


Josie Totah: Now, do you know who that is? Because I actually recently learned who this was like recently. 


Jon Lovett: Here’s–


Josie Totah: By my– 


Jon Lovett: Yeah. 


Josie Totah: –young friend. 


Jon Lovett: Uh uh. Here’s what I think. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: I think we should all not know who this is. 


Yasmine Hamady: I agree. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Agreed. 


Josie Totah: I agree. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: You know what? I love that. 


Josie Totah: I think life’s–


Jon Lovett: I don’t know who it is. 


Josie Totah: –a lot better.


Yasmine Hamady: I also feel like we could just– 


Josie Totah: Let’s just move on. 


Yasmine Hamady: –leave it at that. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: Yeah. 


Yasmine Hamady: Alright. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Deserves no airtime. Awful.


Yasmine Hamady: Amazing. 


Jon Lovett: Bye. 


Yasmine Hamady: Next, next person. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Christian Walker. 


Jon Lovett: Okay. Here’s the thing. 


Yasmine Hamady: Go on. [banter]. 


Jon Lovett: No here–


Josie Totah: Son, Son of Herschel Walker. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: The whole father [?]. 


Josie Totah: Went so far right that he went left. What do you– 


Jon Lovett: Yeah. Yeah.


Josie Totah: –think Lovett? 


Jon Lovett: Here’s what I think. I think um hurt people, hurt people? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: You know what I mean?


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: And– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Hurt honey.


Jon Lovett: Yeah and–


Josie Totah: Hersh people, Hersh people. [laughter]


Yasmine Hamady: I’m done with you Josie. 


Jon Lovett: And I would say that he uh has incredible, chaotic, evil energy. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yes. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Absolutely. 


Jon Lovett: Uh. That is also queer energy. He’s– 


Yasmine Hamady: Yes. 


Jon Lovett: –always filming in his car. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Always. 


Yasmine Hamady: And at Starbucks. 


Jon Lovett: I, and at Starbucks–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Love that [?] for it. 


Jon Lovett: He’s always using infrastructure. I he– 


Yasmine Hamady: I know where you’re going with this. 


Jon Lovett: I think listen, I’m going to pitch it. I’m going to say transportation. 


Josie Totah: You know, I genuinely– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I– 


Josie Totah: –think that is so smart because he is always in his car. He loves his car. He’s always being queer in his car. 


Jon Lovett: Yeah. 


Josie Totah: And who does better than being queer in a car other than Sir Pete Buttigieg, our transpo man right now. 


Yasmine Hamady: You are not–


Josie Totah: So I think it’s–


Yasmine Hamady: I’m sorry. You are not– 


Josie Totah: –Incredible. 


Yasmine Hamady: –comparing Pete Buttigieg to Christian fucking Walker. 


Jon Lovett: Well of course we are.


Josie Totah: No. But they’re both– 


Jon Lovett: We’re giving them the same job. 


Josie Totah: –gay men. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. Okay. 


Josie Totah: Who happen to deal with vehicles. 


Yasmine Hamady: Okay, so let’s put– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Okay. 


Josie Totah: And transportation. 


Yasmine Hamady: –Christian Walker for the head of transportation. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I actually love that. 


Yasmine Hamady: All right. 


Josie Totah: I agree.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: He is always yelling in his car. That’s great. Okay.


Yasmine Hamady: Next person. 


Josie Totah: Alright. Next up, Jen Shah. 


Yasmine Hamady: May I, I just have something to I just–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Okay yeah. 


Josie Totah: Please. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I’ll be honest. 


Josie Totah: Please. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I wasn’t as familiar with this girl. 


Yasmine Hamady: No. Jen Shah, if you don’t know who she is, she is a housewife of the Real Housewives of nothing less but the Salt Lake City– 


Josie Totah: SLC. 


Yasmine Hamady: –women. And she is insane. She’s actually being um indicted right now for uh tax evasion and fraud. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Do you know this?


Yasmine Hamady: I know that I know I wouldn’t have been able to say who or the names, but I am aware that by grace of God, they managed to capture a real federal arrest. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yes. Correct. 


Jon Lovett: On this program. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yes. 


Jon Lovett: And uh that was exciting to me. Yeah.


Yasmine Hamady: It was insane because and she was, there she was also she’s a Polynesian woman with braids on in this episode. And you see her being dragged out by the FBI. It’s insane. And I just feel like she has something so I I there’s something about me that I want to put her for secretary of Treasury. Something with money. 


Josie Totah: I do too. I do, too. And you know what’s crazy? She did so, committed so many crimes. But one thing that I do love about this queen, I mean, she pled guilty. She admitted to it. Yes she fucked over people’s lives, especially old people–


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah she said fuck the elderly. 


Josie Totah: –which is like kind of worse than– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Oh, my God. 


Jon Lovett: Wow. 


Josie Totah: –than regular people. 


Jon Lovett: That’s tough.


Josie Totah: But she, like, in this day and age, admitting to what you did and pleading guilty is like, we have to take what we can get. And if she did that well on her own by frauding everyone, she might as well be secretary of Treasury. 


Jon Lovett: So I’m going to I’m going to I’m going to disagree. 


Yasmine Hamady: Oh wow. [banter]


Jon Lovett: I’m sorry, I’m going to disagree. And here’s, I’m going to make two points. 


Josie Totah: Go on. 


Jon Lovett: One–


Josie Totah: Please. 


Jon Lovett: Every family has somebody who cheats. They’re not the banker when you play Monopoly, that’s just how it goes. You don’t put them– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: –in charge. You just can’t– 


Yasmine Hamady: Okay. 


Jon Lovett: –put them in charge of the money. 


Yasmine Hamady: Okay. 


Jon Lovett: I just, you know, fool me once. 


Josie Totah: That’s so true. 


Jon Lovett: Fool me once, Jennifer Shah. Fool me. Fool me once. 


Yasmine Hamady: Okay. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Okay. Okay. Okay. 


Jon Lovett: My pitch is– 


Josie Totah: So Jen Shah maybe we put, oh you’re pitching. Okay? Yes. 


Jon Lovett: No, no. My pitch would be she’s now experienced the justice system from the losing end. 


Yasmine Hamady: Okay. 


Jon Lovett: Imagine an attorney general that knows what it’s like to go to federal prison for a while. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Stop. 


Jon Lovett: Come on. 


Josie Totah: I– 


Jon Lovett: Come on–


Josie Totah: I– 


Jon Lovett: –a reformer. 


Josie Totah: –think that’s smart.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Wait. I also kind of love– 


Josie Totah: I think it’s brilliant. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Like, I don’t know much about her, but I do know that she walked away from the Mormon Church when she found out that–


Yasmine Hamady: They did not allow um– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: They didn’t allow Black– 


Yasmine Hamady: –Black individuals. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: –people like up until recently. And she has- 


Josie Totah: But so– 


Yasmine Hamady: She’s now a muslim. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Like– 


Yasmine Hamady: I’m sorry.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: [indistinct] Stop, stop stop, stop, stop. Listen, listen, listen [indistinct]. 


Yasmine Hamady: She’s a Muslim woman now– 


Jon Lovett: Wow. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Because you forced me to watch this clip like it was important for my life. But it was so good. She was like, she has Black sons. Right, right? 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah she does. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: She has Black children and she was just like, I can’t stand for anything that would, like, discriminate towards my sons. So I kind of like her. 


Josie Totah: She was like, I don’t do racism. I only do fraud. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Exactly. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. 


Josie Totah: Um. 


Yasmine Hamady: Towards the elderly.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Exactly. 


Josie Totah: So let’s– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Exactly. 


Josie Totah: Let’s move on to the next person. No we have–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: So she’s our Attorney General. 


Yasmine Hamady: Correct. Well I think she’s a runner up for that because I feel like– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Fuck. 


Yasmine Hamady: –there’s some other people that we could. 


Jon Lovett: Okay, okay. 


Josie Totah: We next have– 


Jon Lovett: Okay. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Alright continue. 


Jon Lovett: Okay. 


Josie Totah: –the the queen, the king. The hater of of the queers, but also the queerest person alive– 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. 


Josie Totah: Dare I say? Azealia Banks. 


Yasmine Hamady: Say uh I can’t even say [banter]. 


Josie Totah: Lovett, what are your first impressions of Azealia? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yes, you know who this. 


Jon Lovett: Of course. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: Of course. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah, yeah.


Jon Lovett: And I know all the reasons. And please don’t, don’t, don’t be mad at me for what I’m about to say. 


Yasmine Hamady: Oh god.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: You are about to be canceled? 


Jon Lovett: I can’t. You can’t help but like her. [laughing]


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah, you can’t [indistinct shouting] [banter]


Jon Lovett: You can’t help it. 


Yasmine Hamady: I’m sorry. There’s like [?]– 


Jon Lovett: She’s so funny. 


Yasmine Hamady: There– 


Jon Lovett: She’s just so funny. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: She’s so funny.


Yasmine Hamady: She’s so unhinged. She’s so cursed. There’s a video of her being like Gigi Hadid is a cabbage patch. [laughter] Bella Hadid is the doll. 


Jon Lovett: I think she’s got real troubles. 


Yasmine Hamady: She’s– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: No. Did you see her crying? Like on Hot 100? Like, like like why are you crying? Like, niggas are doing [?] and stuff, you know what I mean, like–


Yasmine Hamady: Can I pitch? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah, please. 


Yasmine Hamady: Secretary of education. She is such an inte– integral, integral part of people’s pop culture awareness that I feel like we need her. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I was going to say Speaker of House, but I respect I respect your pitch. What are we thinking, guys? 


Yasmine Hamady: Josie and Jon? 


Jon Lovett: Josie, what do you think? 


Josie Totah: I’m thinking that, you know, she growing up I remember I mean, I had one gay cousin growing up and he identified as New York cunt Lower East Side. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Mmm. 


Yasmine Hamady: Ahh. 


Josie Totah: And so um that was his like gender identity and um pronouns. [laughter] 


Jon Lovett: Mm hm. 


Josie Totah: And I I just he introduced me to Azealia Banks at just the ripe age. And if there was one thing that I I did from, from learning about her was, was learn. And so I–


Yasmine Hamady: Tea. 


Josie Totah: –Kind of do agree about education. I mean– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Education. 


Josie Totah: –She has taught us a lot by kind of saying the quiet part out loud. And these days we need teachers who are willing to tell us the full truth and nothing but the truth and that’s why–


Jon Lovett: Plus some lies. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: She’ll say it with no filter.


Jon Lovett: Plus some lies, plus some lies. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Plus some lies, some fake news– 


Jon Lovett: Which is– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: –in there. 


Jon Lovett: –exciting to– 


Josie Totah: Plus some lies.


Jon Lovett: –sort them out– 


Josie Totah: –which every– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: She makes it interesting. 


Josie Totah: –good teacher does. 


Jon Lovett: Yeah. Pass the test. Sort what’s, what am I saying that’s uh a truth you needed to hear, and what am I saying because I am absolutely out of my gourd. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Yasmine Hamady: Correct, correct.


Jon Lovett: In a full sort of episode on the–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: –Internet. 


Yasmine Hamady: Correct. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah, exactly. And say it with the most shock value, it’s like what you said. She’s so problematic. But man, do I kind of love her. 


Jon Lovett: And also–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Which I hate, I question my own self about. 


Jon Lovett: Yeah. 


Josie Totah: The next person we have on the list is Christine Quinn of Selling Sunset. 


Yasmine Hamady: Okay, I have a thought. 


Josie Totah: Do we all know who this is? 


Yasmine Hamady: Do you–


Jon Lovett: I I mm, here’s the problem with selling sunset. In one of the early episodes, two adults go to dinner and they get espresso martinis and one margarita pizza to split. And I had to turn it off. [laughter]


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I respect that. 


Yasmine Hamady: It’s almost the– 


Jon Lovett: That was it. 


Yasmine Hamady: –straightest– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Because that’s not real. 


Yasmine Hamady: It’s almost the straightest, gayest show– 


Jon Lovett: I just couldn’t believe that. 


Yasmine Hamady: –I’ve ever seen in my entire life. 


Jon Lovett: And one of them was Italian. Like, there’s two. A man and a woman sitting at a table, a margarita pizza and two espresso martinis in the evening. That is disgusting. 


Yasmine Hamady: No, it’s horrific. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah it is.


Jon Lovett: It is, that is what–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Disrespectful. 


Jon Lovett: –that is what Tom Hanks in Big would order at a restaurant. You know what I mean? 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. 


Josie Totah: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: That is a child in an adult body. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Yasmine Hamady: Here’s the thing. It’s run, so Selling Sunset’s run by these the Oppenheim brothers. And they’re like these two I wanna they’re like these two like thing one, thing two. Like, they’re so annoying. Brett and I don’t know what the other guy’s name is, but they’re like the fakest of fakest veneers. I don’t know who did em. Didn’t do well. And they’re bald. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Is this a roast? 


Yasmine Hamady: And like, anyway. So Christine Quinn is one, she’s like the evil–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Yasmine Hamady: –Stepmother of the whole show. 


Jon Lovett: Okay. 


Yasmine Hamady: And she’s now become a fashion icon. And she– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. She’s at all the shows and premieres yo. 


Yasmine Hamady: And everyone hates her–


Josie Totah: She met Anna Wintour. 


Yasmine Hamady: –but you can’t. I can’t help but, like, be obsessed with her. And there’s something about her and fa- if there was a secretary of fashion, that would be it. But there’s not. 


Jon Lovett: Mm hmm. There isn’t. 


Yasmine Hamady: So we– 


Jon Lovett: Unfortunately. [banter]


Josie Totah: I would say honestly, and this might be the hottest take in the whole world. 


Yasmine Hamady: Oh god. 


Josie Totah: But someone who’s able to weasel their way into like a mainstream pop culture celebrity after being like, you know, a hard D lister on a reality show. I think it’s commendable. 


Yasmine Hamady: I agree. 


Josie Totah: And I don’t know. She has this like, commanding presence to her that I could see her in one of the higher positions. Dare I say–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Really. 


Jon Lovett: Wow. [banter]


Yasmine Hamady: I couldn’t disagree more. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: See–


Josie Totah: Really? 


Yasmine Hamady: I’m sorry, Josie. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I–


Yasmine Hamady: I don’t– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I disagree. Maybe it’s just because of like ugh I just have such a huge issue with what she did like on the seasons, right? Because that’s the, I only really really know her from Twitter. I don’t really watch reality shows. 


Jon Lovett: Mm hmm. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: But didn’t she, like, backstab people and do like the craziest shit–


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah, but also– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: –on the show. 


Yasmine Hamady: –you’re in politics. You’re going to have to do that. 


Jon Lovett: You’re going to have to do that. That’s what’s going to happen.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Oh I’m, oh– 


Josie Totah: Yeah. That’s–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: –I’m so sorry. 


Josie Totah: That’s more of a qualification than–


Yasmine Hamady: So I agree with– 


Josie Totah: –anything. 


Yasmine Hamady: –that, Josie. But here’s the thing. All she is is just, she just serves cunt. That’s it. And what position–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: So you’re saying she just gives a look. 


Yasmine Hamady: She just gives a look and I just don’t see any positions that we need to be– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: No strong values.  


Yasmine Hamady: I don’t see it. 


Jon Lovett: Well. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I personally don’t– 


Josie Totah: Um. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: –See a place. On our our government for her. I just don’t. 


Jon Lovett: No. Josie, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry that they– 


Josie Totah: Wow. 


Jon Lovett: –Really turned on you. 


Josie Totah: This is the beauty of a democracy. 


Jon Lovett: Yeah. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Wow. [banter] This is democracy at work, guys. 


Yasmine Hamady: Okay next– 


Josie Totah: It’s really working. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: The midterms and now this. Um.


Josie Totah: Next up. It’s not Dasani. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Oh. 


Josie Totah: It’s Awkwa fucking fina. 


Yasmine Hamady: I’m dead at that, that was good. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Do you know who Awkwafina is?


Jon Lovett: Of course I know who Awkwafina is. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Okay, okay, okay, okay. 


Jon Lovett: Awkwafina. Thank you. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: It’s the disgust on your face.


Josie Totah: Awkwafina blends into both of our generations. 


Jon Lovett: No, I like Awkwafina. Awkwafina was a guest on Lovett or Leave It. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: No way! 


Jon Lovett: She did think it was a podcast hosted by Jon Lovitz of SNL. She did not know it was in any way related to politics. 


Yasmine Hamady: You’re lying. 


Jon Lovett: An issue that she knew nothing about because she was at the end of the, I believe, crazy Rich Asians press tour [gasp] and had not been paying attention at all, leading to, uh I would say, a real farce. Uh. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Ah a real farce. 


Jon Lovett: But we’ll always cherish the experience. 


Josie Totah: Oh my god. 


Jon Lovett: Of her not knowing why–


Josie Totah: She like–


Jon Lovett: –she was on the show and kind of looking into the audience at her publicist with what the fuck eyes. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: Um but– 


Josie Totah: She like showed up expecting to meet actor Jon Favreau and was extremely disappointed. 


Jon Lovett: Extremely disappointed. Um. Still love. Still love. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Mmm. 


Josie Totah: Okay, so this– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I– 


Josie Totah: I’m getting like–


Jon Lovett: You don’t like her? 


Josie Totah: –trauma from this story. 


Jon Lovett: We don’t like her? 


Yasmine Hamady: Oh, Alycia has something to say. 


Jon Lovett: Wow. 


Yasmine Hamady: Say it. 


Josie Totah: Wait, Alycia. Why, what–


Jon Lovett: I alright tell us, talk to us. 


Josie Totah: –don’t you like about her?


Yasmine Hamady: Speak your speak your– 


Jon Lovett: Talk to us. 


Yasmine Hamady: Speak your truth–


Jon Lovett: Wow. 


Yasmine Hamady: –My love. 


Jon Lovett: Wow. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I–


Josie Totah: What don’t you like about Awkwafina? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I love I love Crazy Rich Asians. I love Asian representation. 


Josie Totah: That’s just– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I’m all here for it. Pero. Like her come up makes me a little bit uncomfy. Because I get it that she’s like– 


Josie Totah: Why? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: –From New York and stuff. But I don’t know. Do you remember her, like, Comedy Central– 


Josie Totah: She was a rapper. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: You, yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.


Jon Lovett: I don’t. I don’t know about that. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Like Comedy Central, like little show that she used to do in a bodega. 


Jon Lovett: No. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. It’s like how I first, like, recognized her. 


Jon Lovett: Hmm. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: And a lot of people, like, call her out on TikTok and the Internet in general for like a Blaccent. And how she sounds and she looks very differently than when she was a rapper, which is dope. Cool. You want people of every complexion and every creed doing that. But it’s just a lot of Black people um have a lot of comments towards Aquafina. So yeah.


Jon Lovett: From what she’s doing now? 


Josie Totah: Still? 


Jon Lovett: Or from what she was doing then? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: For what she was doing then. 


Jon Lovett: Oh. I don’t know about that. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: But just or just the fact that, like, she’s never– 


Josie Totah: I mean, yeah. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: –talked about how differently she sounds or how differently she looks. 


Jon Lovett: Hmm. 


Yasmine Hamady: So Chief Justice. 


Jon Lovett: Chief [laughs]


Yasmine Hamady: So Chief Justice. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: So this is all telling me– 


Josie Totah: [?] 


Yasmine Hamady: I’ll pitch her for chief justice of the United States of America. 


Josie Totah: She has apologized, but people are calling it a non-apology. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Tea. 


Jon Lovett: Wow. We can just we can just wait for a real apology, would that, is that what you’d like? 


Josie Totah: Yeah so maybe I, I this is the thing– [banter] I love Awkwafina. I hate that. I hate that about her past. I really do. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: But see I love her now. I think she’s great. Like in the farewell. Great. Gosh. 


Josie Totah: Okay, well we’re going to move on. 


Yasmine Hamady: Okay. 


Josie Totah: Because we’re in– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Josie Totah: –no we’re drinking sparkling now. Um. We’re not even going to touch Awkwafina. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: And tea. So we’ll move on. 


Yasmine Hamady: Okay. That was good, Jos. 


Josie Totah: [laughing] Thank you. 


Yasmine Hamady: [?] Josie, that was really funny. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. So Awkwafina’s to the side. 


Josie Totah: I’m like behind–


Jon Lovett: It was good. 


Yasmine Hamady: Josie! 


Josie Totah: I’m like behind the computer. 


Jon Lovett: We’re drinking sparkling now. 


Yasmine Hamady: Wait actually Josie that was– [banter]. 


Jon Lovett: Josie. You–


Josie Totah: I’m like, I need the, I need the validation. 


Jon Lovett: And you should have it– 


Yasmine Hamady: Let’s– 


Jon Lovett: And you should get it, and you should be given to– 


Yasmine Hamady: Josie. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: –given it now. 


Josie Totah: I’m really proud of you honey 


Jon Lovett: That was great. 


Josie Totah: So next on this beautiful list is Kris Jenner, the matriarch of the Kar-Jen family. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Let me tell you something. 


Josie Totah: Herself. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: However we feel about this woman, good or bad. This woman makes things happen. 


Jon Lovett: Yeah. That’s true.


Yasmine Hamady: I’m going to– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I need her up there. 


Jon Lovett: Yeah. 


Yasmine Hamady: I’m going to say it. 


Jon Lovett: Say it. 


Yasmine Hamady: I’m going to say it. 


Jon Lovett: Say it, we all got to hear it. 


Yasmine Hamady: Kris Jenner for president. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Wow. 


Jon Lovett: Let’s see.


Yasmine Hamady: And I’ll say it, I’ll say it with my chest. And no because she no– 


Jon Lovett: Wow. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I was going to say president or VP. 


Yasmine Hamady: Listen to me. The devil works hard. Kris Jenner works harder. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Works harder. [laughter]


Yasmine Hamady: And she will–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Yasmine Hamady: –go to war for the people– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Yasmine Hamady: –She loves. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: She made it happen. 


Yasmine Hamady: And I know damn well she she’s giving fiscally conservative, uh socially uh liberal. And I’m putting that in quotation marks cause that doesn’t exist. 


Jon Lovett: Listen. 


Yasmine Hamady: But– 


Jon Lovett: I just think that, like, she’s also giving Caruso voter. 


Yasmine Hamady: Well cause she is. 


Jon Lovett: Oh right of course.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Absolutely. Absolutely and that’s not even a debate honey. No, I was going to say President. English. I was going to say President or VP for sure. She makes things happen. She made her whole family famous. 


Jon Lovett: No president could fall asleep for even 5 seconds knowing that Kris Jenner is the vice president on the other side of that fucking door. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Literally. 


Jon Lovett: That is terrifying. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: The way she’s– 


Josie Totah: You know there’s something about– [banter]


Jon Lovett: Check the food. Where’s my food tester? Where’s my food tester? 


Josie Totah: There’s something about Kris Jenner being Veep that like could give her a chip on her shoulder because she’s like number two. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Mmm. 


Josie Totah: However, I think I think she’s presidential material too. I mean, she gets shit done and I think she would kill someone– 


Jon Lovett: Here’s what yeah– 


Josie Totah: –to get to the top. 


Jon Lovett: Here’s what I propose. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: I propose we put Kris Jenner in an election for president– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Oh wow. 


Jon Lovett: –Or vice president– 


Yasmine Hamady: I agree. 


Jon Lovett: Let’s finish the list. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yup. 


Jon Lovett: There’s other people on this list. 


Josie Totah: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: With the with I believe the capacity to lead. 


Yasmine Hamady: 100%. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Yasmine Hamady: Agreed. 


Jon Lovett: So let’s see and we can come back– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: But she’s up there. 


Jon Lovett: But she’s up there. I–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: We all agree okay. 


Jon Lovett: I look I don’t like it but I accept it. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Me either. 


Jon Lovett: It is true. 


Yasmine Hamady: But here’s the thing–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I couldn’t agree more. 


Yasmine Hamady: If it was between Donald Trump and Kris Jenner. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: You’re picking Kris Jenner. 


Yasmine Hamady: I’m picking Kris Jenner. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Yasmine Hamady: It’s always between– 


Josie Totah: I’m writing in, I’m literally writing myself in at that point. 


Jon Lovett: There’s no one I don’t know. It’s hard to come up with people. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Exactly, it’s like– 


Yasmine Hamady: That I would vote for. Okay. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. [?]


Yasmine Hamady: Um. Next person. 


Josie Totah: Okay. Next up, yalla habibi, it’s Mohamed Hadid himself. 


Yasmine Hamady: And I already–  


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Wow. 


Yasmine Hamady: No. Because this man is infrastructure, this man is real estate. 


Josie Totah: And– 


Yasmine Hamady: This man is a– 


Josie Totah: An iconic man who made his billionaire way coming from the Middle East to America. Palestine. Exactly. To come to America to start a business where he could build buildings, houses, businesses, and apartments for his underage girlfriends to stay in. Mohamed Hadid, where do we put him? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Absolutely not. Secretary of Treasury? 


Jon Lovett: I mean, he’s– 


Yasmine Hamady: Don’t. 


Jon Lovett: He can do treasury. He’s a businessman. 


Yasmine Hamady: That’s true. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: That’s why I was thinking treasury. Because he’s a businessman. He made some money. 


Josie Totah: Agree. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Look at his beautiful ass family. 


Yasmine Hamady: Okay. Mohamed Hadid. Mohamad okay. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Hadid. 


Josie Totah: Mohamed Hadid. 


Yasmine Hamady: So that was easy. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Yasmine Hamady: We’re good to go.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Because I remember we were going to put Jen Shaw there, but then she got booted to attorney general. So I think Treasury goes to our man. 


Yasmine Hamady: Beautiful. All right. Next next caller. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Next caller. 


Josie Totah: Is Snooki. 


Yasmine Hamady: Now, I will– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Snooki. 


Yasmine Hamady: There’s something about this woman that I would go to war for. I would. This Jersey Shore girl, she’s the backbone of this democracy. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I love her. 


Yasmine Hamady: I really do believe it. I think she is. I think she’s chief of staff. 


Jon Lovett: Hmm. 


Josie Totah: Chief of staff of who? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Chief of staff. 


Jon Lovett: I hear uh– 


Josie Totah: –of the White House. 


Jon Lovett: Here’s here’s here’s the thing. 


Jon Lovett: Please. 


Jon Lovett: Snooki is America. 


Yasmine Hamady: Correct. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: She is.


Jon Lovett: In it’s– 


Yasmine Hamady: Correct. 


Jon Lovett: –Purest, concentrated, raw, uncut– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Liberty. 


Jon Lovett: –Fentanyl form– 


Yasmine Hamady: Correct. 


Jon Lovett: I mean, just– 


Josie Totah: Yes. 


Yasmine Hamady: Correct. 


Jon Lovett: Just a a an America in a rainbow skittle that shouldn’t be given to children. 


Yasmine Hamady: Correct. Correct.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: Because it’s drugs. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: For sure. 


Jon Lovett: And so I would say, what would you rather have? Would you rather have Snooki sitting in an office running meetings or on the world stage as our secretary of state in, she’s in Germany. Is that Snooki in Thailand? Is that Snooki in Japan? 


Yasmine Hamady: Jon. 


Jon Lovett: Is that Snooki in Saudi Arabia–. 


Yasmine Hamady: Jon. 


Jon Lovett: –Bowing to a murderer? I love it. 


Yasmine Hamady: Jon. 


Josie Totah: I agree. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I love that. 


Yasmine Hamady: You couldn’t be more correct. 


Jon Lovett: Think about it. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: That was a beautiful argument. 


Jon Lovett: Think about it. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I want to see her all over the world. I want to see other people’s faces be like, what is going on? 


Jon Lovett: Honestly, I think–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: When she’s talking to them. 


Jon Lovett: People would light the fuck up. It would be hilarious. 


Yasmine Hamady: I think she would–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Oh, my gosh. 


Yasmine Hamady: She would solve like world issues. 


Jon Lovett: Like she would she would re- we’d have to look– 


Josie Totah: She gives– 


Jon Lovett: She’d have to be prepped. 


Josie Totah: She gives Hillary Clinton. And no one ever says that. 


Jon Lovett: And people don’t say it. People don’t say it Josie. 


Yasmine Hamady: You, Josie–


Jon Lovett: That’s such a good point. 


Yasmine Hamady: Once again, Josie good j– you’re doing really good today. Like this is really– 


Jon Lovett: You should– 


Yasmine Hamady: –Funny. That was really good. 


Jon Lovett: Snooki should Pokémon go to Europe. [laughter]. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yes. 


Yasmine Hamady: I’m done with you, Jon. 


Josie Totah: I agree. Okay, so let’s put Snooki down for secretary of state. And then next up, we have a man who I once famously put– 


Yasmine Hamady: Yes. 


Josie Totah: –um out during a Power Point night– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yes. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yes. 


Josie Totah: –uh in the height of COVID. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yes you did. 


Josie Totah: I made a PowerPoint about top ten people I want to punch for no reason. 


Yasmine Hamady: Correct. 


Josie Totah: And Matthew McConaughey was number one. 


Jon Lovett: Oh. 


Yasmine Hamady: That’s true. I remember it was like– 


Josie Totah: Do you want to punch him as much as I do? I literally have no reason for it. I just literally he. I bemoan him. 


Jon Lovett: Mm mm. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Mmm. 


Yasmine Hamady: I don’t know why. I just feel like he will get shit done. And I’m thinking between– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I don’t love Matthew. 


Yasmine Hamady: I’m thinking between two things right now. I’m thinking of either White House chief of staff or press secretary. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Mmm. 


Yasmine Hamady: Really. 


Josie Totah: Mmmm. 


Jon Lovett: Wait. 


Yasmine Hamady: We already have, Chris– I think we have Christine Quinn for– 


Jon Lovett: No, didn’t we do Tricia Paytas for press secretary? 


Josie Totah: Tricia’s press secretary. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: But we give rep– 


Yasmine Hamady: She can spin– 


Jon Lovett: We can we can replace her. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: No, I think she deserves to stay there. 


Josie Totah: No because she can spin anything. Oh, my God. Matthew McConaughey will literally have the most boring press. He’d be like, uh oh hi. [banter]


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I feel like he’s Chief of staff. 


Jon Lovett: I think with him no, I– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I feel like he would run a good meeting. 


Yasmine Hamady: Speaker of the House.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Like with a southern accent. 


Jon Lovett: Honestly, honestly. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: You know what I mean? 


Jon Lovett: Mm. Speaker of the House I like. I don’t want Matthew McConaughey running a meeting. I just don’t. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Okay. 


Jon Lovett: I just I need somebody I need somebody who’s, the Lincoln– 


Yasmine Hamady: Who won’t mansplain you. Yeah.


Jon Lovett: –Ads are too much. He’s going to be too much.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: He’s a professor. 


Jon Lovett: Professor of what? 


Yasmine Hamady: Film at the– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: [?] at UT. 


Yasmine Hamady: University of Texas, Austin. 


Jon Lovett: Okay. [laughter] 


Josie Totah: You guys– 


Jon Lovett: He shows for an hour. 


Josie Totah: I’m a professor of film. 


Jon Lovett: Says hey you guys should check out Clockwork Orange. [laughing]


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Go, Longhorns. 


Yasmine Hamady: Okay, so let’s table him. Let’s table him and we’ll come back [gasp] if need be. Oh Josie had a thought. 


Josie Totah: Ok. Sorry. I gasped because I just saw the next person on the list is Olivia Wilde and I’m immediately regretting putting Tricia Paytas as press secretary. 


Jon Lovett: See. 


Josie Totah: What do you guys think? 


Jon Lovett: Hmm. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: No, because I think Tricia’s going to be more entertaining. But, Olivia, I want her, she needs to be in front of people. So I’m thinking–


Yasmine Hamady: Jon. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: –Speaker of the House. 


Yasmine Hamady: Jon. 


Josie Totah: Wait Lovett, Lovett? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yes. 


Jon Lovett: Here’s the thing. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Oh, hi, what are your feelings? 


Jon Lovett: I. Olivia Wilde. She. She’s a director. Is a great director. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Phenomenal. 


Jon Lovett: All right. 


Josie Totah: Yeah. Yes.


Jon Lovett: Which means she can get a bunch of things happening. She can run an organization. 


Yasmine Hamady: I know where you’re going. 


Jon Lovett: She uh, she has been through the fucking shit. 


Yasmine Hamady: I know where you’re going. 


Jon Lovett: And but, like, never gave in to it for a second. I like that she basically tried to make the press cycle about her getting rid of that person the actor, but then also had been recording videos to him shitting on the other person. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. 


Jon Lovett: I love that. I love that energy. I love the whole thing. I like that she was like, Jason Sudeikis. No. Harry Styles yes. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yes. [laughter]. 


Jon Lovett: So my–


Yasmine Hamady: And then she said bye to her kids, she’s like bye kids. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: No. 


Jon Lovett: I love that her salad dressing is so good, people will lay in front of a car– 


Yasmine Hamady: Car for it! 


Jon Lovett: –Over it. I feel like that’s chief of staff material. That’s how I feel about it. 


Josie Totah: I. No. I’m I’m going to go out on a limb here. 


Yasmine Hamady: Josie. 


Josie Totah: And say if if you have watched the Stephen Colbert interview where she– 


Yasmine Hamady: Insane. 


Josie Totah: –Literally dodged every question. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Josie Totah: –Like Wendy Wu in Wendy Wu: Homecoming warrior. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yes Brenda Song. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Great [?] movie.


Josie Totah: Lovett. Lovett. That’s an iconic film. 


Jon Lovett: Okay. 


Yasmine Hamady: Disney Channel.


Josie Totah: Um. For our generation. 


Jon Lovett: Sure. 


Josie Totah: Just, so you know, um from a little thing called the Disney Channel. Um. And–


Jon Lovett: So you guys didn’t watch Ducktales the original when it was on after school? 


Yasmine Hamady: I don’t even know what that is. 


Jon Lovett: Let’s keep moving. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: No idea.


Josie Totah: Sigh. 


Jon Lovett: Let’s keep moving. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I have no idea what that is either. 


Josie Totah: Sigh. Um. So I’m going to say Olivia Wilde for vice president. She’s the perfect– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Tea. 


Yasmine Hamady: Josie. 


Josie Totah: –Amount of unlikable. 


Yasmine Hamady: Okay. No Josie. [banter]


Josie Totah: She’s the perfect amount of unlikability. She can get stuff done. She can literally spin every controversy. And she’s a woman. 


Yasmine Hamady: Sorry. I’m a– 


Josie Totah: And women always come in second place. 


Yasmine Hamady: Josie. I couldn’t agree more with– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I love her [?]. 


Yasmine Hamady: –the second place part specifically, but Olivia Wilde, say what you will about her. At the end of the day, she makes good shit. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: She’s talented. 


Yasmine Hamady: She makes good shit. And you know what? I stand with her. I stand with women. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I love her for [?]. 


Yasmine Hamady: I I support women’s rights and wrongs. Let me be clear about that. And so–. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Oh. I’m a female apologist, all the way, I say it all the time. 


Jon Lovett: Uh. She’s amazing. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Oh [?]. [banter]


Jon Lovett: She’s amazing, she got through this fucking shit storm. Vice president. I think it’s great. [banter]


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I like it.


Yasmine Hamady: But but I do want to point out that I do think she should be in the runner up with Kris Jenner. I think there should be an election at the end. 


Jon Lovett: Yeah okay. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Okay, okay. 


Josie Totah: The thing is, Olivia Wilde. Olivia, there can be an election at the end. But I just want you to think a lot about likability, because Olivia kind of struggles with that. 


Jon Lovett: Mmm. [banter]


Yasmine Hamady: We’ll circle back to the end for that one, because I feel like this has to be that closing argument. 


Jon Lovett: Okay, okay. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Mmm Okay. 


Josie Totah: Okay. [music break]. 




Josie Totah: Next we have Lea Michele. [pause]. 


Yasmine Hamady: She’s not that funny girl. 


Jon Lovett: [laugh] 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Oh. 


Yasmine Hamady: Sorry. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: What a knee slap. 


Yasmine Hamady: [indistinct]. Okay. That was bad, bye you guys, thank you for having me. Uh uh. 


Josie Totah: What position on here–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: This girl’s– 


Josie Totah: –can you do without being able to read? [laughter]


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Oh my god.


Jon Lovett: Wow. Let’s look. Let’s look. 


Yasmine Hamady: Oh god.


Jon Lovett: Look it’s tough. 


Josie Totah: Honestly. If we look at if we look at Trump’s last secretary of education. She honest– 


Yasmine Hamady: Betsy. 


Josie Totah: Being illiterate, she could–. 


Jon Lovett: Well– 


Josie Totah: She could meet, beat out– 


Yasmine Hamady: But we put Azealia for that. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Yasmine Hamady: And I stand by Azealia for that. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah I agree.


Jon Lovett: Yeah. I mean, I guess there is value to having someone say, like, don’t let what happened to me happen to you– 


Yasmine Hamady: Okay. 


Jon Lovett: –As an education secretary. 


Yasmine Hamady: Sure. 


Josie Totah: Yes. I agree. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Mmm powerful.


Jon Lovett: But but I would just say that, like, here’s the thing. I just think if you have Lea Michele in your organization, you’re just getting to having a lot of conversations about the problems she’s creating. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah yeah. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Josie Totah: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: Ya know? 


Josie Totah: Yeah okay. 


Yasmine Hamady: I have a pitch. 


Josie Totah: Yeah. 


Yasmine Hamady: I think we switch. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Ooh. 


Yasmine Hamady: I think we switch Azealia Banks. So we would put Lea Michele for education and then Azealia for um for chief medical advisor to the president of United States because she is an anti-vaxxer. 


Jon Lovett: I– 


Yasmine Hamady: Please. 


Jon Lovett: I just– 


Josie Totah: Maybe we just what if we what if we had Leah be in charge of like the um White House turkey trot. [laugh] Like, you know, how do they do a– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Just one small thing.


Josie Totah: Thanks, thanksgiving. 


Jon Lovett: Uh how about this. 


Josie Totah: It I mean, it’s not small. 


Jon Lovett: Look. 


Josie Totah: It’s one of the biggest events of the year. 


Jon Lovett: All Lea Michele wants to do is sing– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Sing. That’s all.


Jon Lovett: –And get applause. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: All she wants. 


Jon Lovett: So why don’t we just say, Hey, Lea, you don’t want these jobs. We don’t want you in these jobs. 


Yasmine Hamady: Sure. 


Jon Lovett: You can sing at the Christmas tree lighting. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: [gasp] I love that. 


Jon Lovett: And just leave it at that. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I love that.


Yasmine Hamady: Okay. So Lea Michele–


Josie Totah: Yes, or we light you– 


Yasmine Hamady: –does have a role and it– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Yasmine Hamady: –Will be– 


Josie Totah: –On fire. 


Yasmine Hamady: –As the voice of reason at the Christmas tree lighting at the White House. 


Jon Lovett: Sure. She’ll just–


Yasmine Hamady: Beautiful. All right. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I love that. You know, she can’t [?]. 


Yasmine Hamady: So we just added a role for her. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Anybody [?]? 


Josie Totah: Okay, so. 


Yasmine Hamady: And that’s on nepotism. All right. 


Josie Totah: Now we have Lena Dunham. 


Yasmine Hamady: Ooof. [silence] I’m like trying to keep my mouth shut for this one. This woman. 


Josie Totah: We could do without. 


Yasmine Hamady: I just don’t feel like there needs to be a role for her. I don’t.


Jon Lovett: We’re running out of roles and it’s getting pretty competitive, and that’s okay. That’s no– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: –Disrespect to Lena, but we just don’t have an opening for her right now. 


Josie Totah: I mean Lena’s so talented.


Jon Lovett: But check in, Lena. Check in. In the future. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yup. Yup. 


Jon Lovett: We loved meeting you. We loved the conversation. 


Yasmine Hamady: Grateful. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Exactly. 


Josie Totah: We did, we loved Girls. 


Jon Lovett: But unfortunately, now is just not the right time. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Exactly. 


Yasmine Hamady: We’re grateful. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: She’s not the right fit. 


Yasmine Hamady: And– 


Jon Lovett: Not the right fit. Right now. Right now.


Yasmine Hamady: You are very talented. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: [?] It’s okay.


Yasmine Hamady: You are very talented. And we’ll circle back in a couple of years. All right. 


Josie Totah: Okay. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Rachel- 


Josie Totah: Uh. Rachel Dolezal, is next. 


Yasmine Hamady: Who is that? 


Josie Totah: The woman who claims to be transracial. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. Remember, she’s like [gasp] I’m Black and then literally, like spoke at things and has an entire career off of being Black– 


Yasmine Hamady: Prison.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: –but is a white woman. 


Yasmine Hamady: I don’t care. I’m against the prison industrial complex. She deserves to be in there. I don’t care. She’s so weird. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: She’s very odd. 


Josie Totah: She’s a great mother– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Okay. 


Josie Totah: –to her black children. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I. I’m going to say– 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Medical adviser to the president. 


Yasmine Hamady: Alycia Pascual-Peña. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I’m going to say medical adviser. 


Josie Totah: Why? Explain your answer. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Because I know I’m going to explain. Um. 


Yasmine Hamady: Alycia tell us why. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Let me take off my coat for this one. 


Jon Lovett: Hey tell us why.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Because this woman does stress me out. 


Jon Lovett: Yeah. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: She does stress me out, you know, because she is the definition of cosplaying in Blackness. Um. But I don’t know. I feel like her, she’s really ambitious. Like, she really. She really was like, I want to be able to do this, and I’m going to overcome, even though I’m a white woman, I’m going to be Black. Um. And she really stood by that. And um– 


Josie Totah: Didn’t she become the president of the NAACP?


Alycia Pascual-Peña: She had like some type of role. [indistinct]


Jon Lovett: She was like, she I think she did run a chapter. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah, she got like high as so I’m like, this is the type of person that will be optimistic in all of our medical struggles, you know, and like the face of the pandemic. She would have um expressed fake news for sure. She would have probably been awful in a lot of ways. But–. 


Jon Lovett: But. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: She would have been like, we’re going to get through this. Like if a white woman and she’s like, I can be Black. She’s like, we can do anything. Like– 


Jon Lovett: Well one of the roles, one of the jobs of the chief medical officer is to speak to a lot of different communities. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Mm. 


Jon Lovett: And so she can kind of do like almost like a– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: And she’s like I’m white.


Jon Lovett: –Clark Kent thing. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I’m Black. 


Jon Lovett: She goes into the phone booth. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: She comes out now she’s Asian. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: Now she’s talking to the Asian community.


Yasmine Hamady: Asian, and now she’s wearing a hijab and she’s an Arab woman. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Exactly. 


Yasmine Hamady: Incredible. Love that.


Jon Lovett: And like, now she’s bringing that vaccine message– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: –Everywhere it needs to go. She’s– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: She’s she’s a Hasidic Jew for a while. 


Yasmine Hamady: She might be. 


Jon Lovett: Um. She’s an avatar person from the Avatar movie. 


Josie Totah: That’s kind of like Tricia. So she’ll fit in really well with Tricia. Cause Tricia kind of–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Oh, they’ll become friends. 


Josie Totah: They cut they can cut [?] together. 


Jon Lovett: Also, one of the things I appreciate– 


Josie Totah: Amazing. 


Jon Lovett: –About Rachel Dolezal is obviously what she was doing was cuckoo bananas. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Oh yeah. Insane.


Jon Lovett: I respect anyone who gets fully and 100% caught and then says, yeah, I’ll sit for an interview. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. [laughing]


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Insane. Because the way that she hunkered down. And she was like–


Jon Lovett: It’s amazing. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: –but I am Black. And then her parents were even doing interviews and being like– 


Jon Lovett: Yeah. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I don’t we don’t know what to tell you. Like, yeah, I think–


Jon Lovett: It rules.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: –she’d be really entertaining. So–


Jon Lovett: Yeah. 


Yasmine Hamady: So we’re going to, I mean, I’m going to be honest, it doesn’t sit right with me, but I think we have to. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I think we have to. 


Yasmine Hamady: I think we–


Jon Lovett: We just have to do it. 


Yasmine Hamady: We have to do it. All right, Josie. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: She’s gonna be our new Fauci.


Josie Totah: You know what? Because she we need someone who is going to be creative, too, and, like, be able to come up– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: That’s what I’m saying. 


Josie Totah: –with new illnesses and– 


Jon Lovett: Yeah. 


Josie Totah: –Like, her own. Um. Okay. So Katy Perry is the last one– 


Yasmine Hamady: I’m– 


Josie Totah: –On this list– 


Yasmine Hamady: Can I just– 


Josie Totah: Katy Perry, we were rooting for you so hard up until– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: We were rooting for you. 


Yasmine Hamady: When Dark Horse came out– 


Josie Totah: –80 Hours ago. 


Yasmine Hamady: Literally when you posted that selfie on twitter of you voting for Rick Caruso with your crazy eyes and your stance, your fans–


Josie Totah: Which by the way I’m pretty sure that’s illegal and against the law to take a photo uh a poll and um– 


Yasmine Hamady: There’s so many things she’s done, actually fun story. Went to a Katy Perry conc– 


Josie Totah: Can’t you invalidate that? Can’t someone report her? 


Yasmine Hamady: Let’s report her right now, actually, I went to a Katy Perry concert once and then um I went home and I was, I think, 17, and I peed my bed that night. 


Jon Lovett: Wow. 


Yasmine Hamady: And I was an adult. 


Josie Totah: She made you urinate. 


Yasmine Hamady: She made my–


Josie Totah: She made you self urinate. 


Yasmine Hamady: She made me wet my bed. 


Jon Lovett: Uh huh.Yeah. No. Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: Lovett? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: So you knew–


Jon Lovett: That isn’t, I just want to just be clear about something, that wasn’t a Katy Perry story, that was just a story– 


Yasmine Hamady: No– 


Jon Lovett: –About you. 


Yasmine Hamady: Right. But do–


Jon Lovett: Because it could have been anything. [laughter]


Yasmine Hamady: No, but it was Katy Perry. 


Jon Lovett: I know that. But it’s still not a Katy Perry story. 


Yasmine Hamady: Right. 


Jon Lovett: It’s like it’s like, hey, if I drive home and I look out the window and I see Katy Perry in the street– 


Yasmine Hamady: Right. 


Jon Lovett: And then like half an hour later, I pee myself. 


Yasmine Hamady: Mmm. 


Jon Lovett: That’s still not a Katy Perry story. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Okay Katy Perry.


Josie Totah: So what do we think about Katy Perry? As far as putting– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I’m like upset with this woman. 


Josie Totah: –her in a position. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I’m like, how can. She wears– 


Yasmine Hamady: Why do I feel like she–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: –she wears she wears hamburger suits. 


Josie Totah: Real talk, though, like, what do you think? Maybe Lovett, you’re the right person to ask this question. But like, what do you think made her go over the line to vote for not only vote for Caruso, but post about it? Do you think she was paid or do you think there’s a certain there’s policies that just I– 


Jon Lovett: So I– 


Josie Totah: –relate to her? 


Jon Lovett: So basically there’s this agent, former agent from CIA named Michael [?]. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: Who is a Caruso person. And he has been kind of he knows Katy Perry for a long time. He knows I think Gwyneth for he’s like he just– 


Yasmine Hamady: Oh yeah. 


Jon Lovett: –is very connected and he’s been really driving. There’s just a clique of like really rich west side-y LA celebrities that have all been talking to each other, Kris all of them. And they’ve all been kind of in this one conversation with like the wealthiest, most successful L.A. people that have– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: –all decided to Caruso and also decided that they were gonna be public about it like Gwyneth Paltrow like they’re– 


Yasmine Hamady: I know. 


Jon Lovett: –All doing it. They all feel like this is the moment they can do it. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. So it’s like it comes down to class, right? Like because they’re affluent and they’re being elitist and not seeing how it affects the rest of the state. 


Jon Lovett: Well, I also just think that like they’ve all convinced themselves that basically I mean, the fact that he’s just bought this and he’s just a wealthy Republican pretending to be a Democrat doesn’t bother them because they’re not really they don’t care. Um. Anyway, so back to Katy Perry. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yes, back to the [?]. [banter]. 


Jon Lovett: Katy Perry.


Yasmine Hamady: Katy Perry’s too boring. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Thanks for letting us take a tangent. 


Yasmine Hamady: I think we can I think we can ta– we can put someone else– 


Jon Lovett: Here’s– 


Yasmine Hamady: –Out there. 


Jon Lovett: Here’s my here’s my here’s what I think about Katy Perry. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Okay. 


Yasmine Hamady: Go on. 


Jon Lovett: Katy Perry. Uh. She’s been around for a very long time. 


Yasmine Hamady: True. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: A very long time. 


Yasmine Hamady: I kissed a girl. 


Jon Lovett: Um. She’s been she is she uh uh– 


Josie Totah: She grew up singing in the church. 


Jon Lovett: She works incredibly hard. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: Um. She sometimes, I think, struggles to find her specific voice. 


Josie Totah: Uh huh. 


Jon Lovett: I think she’s the Speaker of the House. 


Josie Totah: She made tacky–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: [gasp] 


Josie Totah: –a vibe. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Oohh. 


Josie Totah: She, like, made tacky mainstream. 


Jon Lovett: Yeah. Kitsch. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: In a way kitsch. 


Yasmine Hamady: In a way camp. 


Jon Lovett: In a way camp. 


Yasmine Hamady: So she’s Speaker of the House. 


Jon Lovett: I just think like– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Huh. 


Jon Lovett: She’ll be a consensus builder. You know what I mean? 


Yasmine Hamady: I agree. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Also like I I’m thinking– 


Josie Totah: I’m game. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: –back when I was in middle school. Like, everyone loved her. Like, no matter like who you were, everyone loved her. 


Yasmine Hamady: Okay. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I like her for house– 


Yasmine Hamady: All right. So Katy Perry, speaker of the House. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Speaker of the house. 


Yasmine Hamady: And then I think this goes to our last to our last uh predicament where who do we have as president and vice president? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Mmm. 


Yasmine Hamady: Do we have, A, Kris Jenner or B, Olivia Wilde? 


Jon Lovett: Who leads the ticket? Who leads the ticket? 


Yasmine Hamady: Mmmm. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I feel–


Josie Totah: So for me, when it comes to the two positions, president positions, you need to have a certain amount of likability. I feel like Olivia Wilde’s approval rating is already extremely low. And putting her into that position, she’s going to fail us all. When has Kris Jenner ever really been disliked? I mean, by the majority of people. 


Yasmine Hamady: You’re correct for that. 


Jon Lovett: I mean, I would just say that like, I don’t know what her approval rating is. I think fundamentally, she has um uh spent her life building a business that pumps just absolute fucking filth into the culture on a near daily basis, elevating the worst human qualities and instincts and values that a person could possibly elevate, celebrating celebrity for its own sake, uh beauty standards that have warped the minds of literally millions of young girls, all for the purpose of enriching her family and elevating every single child that she has, despite their lack of real talent. And even though you see in their faces and in their lives the actual damage it has done to their psyches, even as they seek the spotlight, because it’s the only thing they’ve ever known, which to me sounds like a great president. You know, if you think about it. 


Yasmine Hamady: I– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Same. 


Yasmine Hamady: You have a lot–


Josie Totah: That was a word. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: That was a lot. 


Yasmine Hamady: That was that was– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: That was a lot. 


Yasmine Hamady: –biblical. That was–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I don’t think I even could have said it better. Um. I love that we sat through a villain manifesto. 


Yasmine Hamady: We all were like–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: That’s what that was. 


Yasmine Hamady: That was a manifesto. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Um. But I I couldn’t agree more. I was like. I don’t know what, but I know that Kris Jenner has seen and done some shit. 


Jon Lovett: For sure. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Also, not– 


Yasmine Hamady: She’s hidden bodies I know for a goddamn fact. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Like like not not a reliable source at all. But Ye said it. Ye was like, that woman. 


Jon Lovett: You don’t want him on your validator list. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. No no no no.


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. Alycia. 


Jon Lovett: You don’t K– you don’t want him to be your– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: [indistinct] 


Yasmine Hamady: Aly- By the way, when Alycia was saying that she was– 


Jon Lovett: Banging the table. 


Yasmine Hamady: –punching– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Banging the door.


Yasmine Hamady: –The table. Like she was about– 


Jon Lovett: Like Khrushchev. 


Yasmine Hamady: Like, Hulk. [laughter]


Alycia Pascual-Peña: No so I–


Josie Totah: Okay Kris Jenner– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I support that, Kris Jenner–


Josie Totah: –for president. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: –is our president. And then I think Olivia– 


Yasmine Hamady: Olivia Wilde is our– 


Josie Totah: Olivia Wilde as Veep is like amazing, like a little conniving but really intelligent, talented. And yeah. 


Yasmine Hamady: It really doesn’t add much– 


Josie Totah: Hot. 


Yasmine Hamady: –Value. [laughing]


Jon Lovett: I disagree. I really I want to just say I want everyone listening to this to know I’m pro Olivia Wilde . 


Yasmine Hamady: No same.


Jon Lovett: Fully. 


Yasmine Hamady: Oh, sure. 


Jon Lovett: Fully. 


Josie Totah: I’m pro-women. 


Jon Lovett: And pro-women. 


Yasmine Hamady: I’m not.


Jon Lovett: Especially. 


Yasmine Hamady: I– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: King. 


Yasmine Hamady: –I’m joking. I I’ll say it once and I’ll say again, I support women’s rights and wrongs and I’ll stand by that. And once again, I’ll say it again. The devil works hard. Kris Jenner will always work harder. She’ll


Alycia Pascual-Peña: No, Kris is gonna get shit done. And then Olivia will be able to, like, relay the information to the public. In a way like– 


Yasmine Hamady: And so I think we have– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I love that. 


Yasmine Hamady: I think we have it there. I think we have an amazing infrastructure for our government of the United States. I’m so blessed to live her. 


Josie Totah: Put Olivia in charge of the border. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Oh, tea. 


Yasmine Hamady: That’s how I– 


Jon Lovett: Olivia’s going to build a wall. Mexico is going to pay for it. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. 


Josie Totah: [?] she could handle– 


Yasmine Hamady: No, Olivia is going to build a wall it’s gonna be it’s– 


Josie Totah: And yeah it’s– 


Jon Lovett: And Jason Sudeikis is going to pay for. 


Yasmine Hamady: And Jason Sudeikis is going to pay for it. And it’s going to be only like Los Angeles County and the rest of the world and maybe Silicon Valley. So I think with that we have the new government of the United States. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Wow. 


Yasmine Hamady: Thank you so much for voting in our democracy. Our midterms were um actually this election. 


Jon Lovett: Wow. 


Josie Totah: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: Thank you so much. It’s an, it was it has been an honor. I hope that, um you know, uh much as much as it was done for thousands of years, that we’ve created an oral history that we’ve passed down. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Wow. 


Jon Lovett: You know, from generation– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Wow. 


Jon Lovett: –To generation. Even before there was writing, there was this intergenerational conversation and that you’ll take what I say and you’ll share it with future generations long after I’m dead. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Jon Lovett: Um. Which is exciting. 


Josie Totah: Yeah. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Wow, all of these prolific words about Snookie and Trisha Paytas. 


Yasmine Hamady: So I think with that, thank you for listening to our podcast with our special guest, Jon Lovett, and um thank you for voting. If you voted and if you didn’t, you can go [fake pause] yourself. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Oh tea. 


Jon Lovett: Nice. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Well. [music break]


Jon Lovett: Ugh, God, I love Lovett. You know, what a what a thing to have the word love in your last name. He’s so lovable. 


Yasmine Hamady: And also, I just have to say, like Jon with no H. And John is– 


Josie Totah: Oh that’s a power move. 


Yasmine Hamady: That’s a power move that, you know, you run shit. Does that make sense? 


Josie Totah: You do. Today was amazing. Thank you guys for riding with us. For rocking with us. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Mmm. 


Josie Totah: Anyway, yeah. Any any any parting words Yasmine? 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. I do have to say um whether you love the administration, whether you don’t whether you don’t care. I think that’s the worst part. If you don’t care. Um. We’re in a much better place than we have been in a very long time. And thank God we don’t have Kris Jenner and Olivia Wilde running this country. 


Josie Totah: And maybe one day they will. 


Yasmine Hamady: And maybe one day, we will. And we’re proud to announce that we are not. 


Josie Totah: No we’re not running. We are not running. Uh. People just drove off the road. Anyway, that’s all. Uh. Live laugh love, Lovett or Lovett or leave it. Live it or laugh it. Peace out guys. 


Yasmine Hamady: Pod Save America, uh Hysteria. Keep it. Yeah. Um. We’ll see you guys next week. 


Josie Totah: Bye. [music break] Dare We Say is a Crooked Media production. 


Yasmine Hamady: Caroline Reston is our showrunner, producer and mommy, and Ari Schwartz is our producer and show daddy. Fiona Pestana is our associate producer and Sandy Girard is the Almighty Executive Producer. 


Josie Totah: It’s hosted and produced by me, Josie Totah. 


Yasmine Hamady: And me Yasmine Hamady.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: And me, Alycia Pascual-Peña. Our engineer and editor is Jordan Cantor. And Brian Vasquez is our theme music composer. Our video producers are Matt DeGroot, Narineh Melkonian, and Delon Villanueva and Mia Kellman. 


Josie Totah: Lastly, thank you to Jordan Silver, Gabriela Leverette, Jesse McLean, Caroline Heywood, Shaina Hortsmann, Deisi Cruz, Danielle Jensen and Ewa Okulate for marketing the show and making us look so damn good.